


Bad Bull Boys

by FudgingPastry



Series: Boy Band AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asexual Character, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Genderfluid Character, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Polyamorous Character, Polyamorous relationship, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-03 07:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5281676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FudgingPastry/pseuds/FudgingPastry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee has a crush on the lead singer of the Bad Bull Boys and through a friend, he manages to get both a ticket and a backstage pass and meets Karkat, Equius, and Tavros. He later learns that his friend who got him tickets and Tavros are the same person. Rest of the fic follows Gamzee's adventures with the band. Mostly fluff, some smut later on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> The messages sent through the chat system are italicized, but do not use the character's typing quirks. T: Tav/Tavros, G: Gamzee.

As the song ended, the crowd on screen erupted into cheer. Gamzee clutched his stuffed goat, holding it to his chest as he watched the band’s singer wave goodnight to the crowd. He caught himself waving back and he dropped his hand, flushing in embarrassment. He buried his face into the crook of the goat’s neck and he fell back on his bed, a wistful look on his face.

 _“That’s it for tonight, folks! But if you’re craving some more Bad Bull Boys,”_ Gamzee sat up quickly at the announcer’s voice, eying the livestream with growing excitement. _“They will be holding another concert at Strider Stadium in two months! Tickets will be available online only! Better act fast if you want to catch the bull.”_ Gamzee lunged for his computer, clicking on the tickets’ link. It took a few second before he found the right concert link, but soon he was in and… He faltered at the ticket price. That was… a lot of money. Could he even afford it?

A quick calculation and a promise to himself to live on pasta cups for the next few months later, he clicked ‘buy tickets’. The screen blacked out for a moment. When it came back up, a large SOLD OUT appeared at the top of the screen.

“Motherfucker,” Gamzee whined into the stuffed goat. He was so fucking close! He fell back on his bed again with a groan. Maybe they’d stream it online again and he could watch it there. But it wasn’t fair! Strider Stadium was a ten minute drive from his apartment. He’d be so close and he’d still be so far.

His computer beeped. He sat up slowly, wiping at the tears forming in his eyes, and checked Skype. There was a new message from Tav. Was he home finally? The blush crept back in his cheeks and he sighed hopelessly. Just his luck to crush on a singer and someone else who was never on.

 _Hey man,_ Gamzee typed. It took a minute for Tav to respond and Gamzee almost feared that Tav would be too busy again. But his reply finally came.

_T: Sorry Gamzee. Things came up and, uh, I’m sorry about not being around enough._

_G: Nah, it’s fine. I know you’re really busy with all the shit you’ve got going on. Ain’t no trouble for me bro._

_T: I’m, glad. How’s life on your end?_

_G: I… kind of rough over here. Missed my chance to see my favorite band live. Sucks like a motherfucker seeing as they’re playing a couple minutes from where I’m living._

_T: What band?_

Gamzee winced at Tav’s question. He hadn’t told him about Bad Bull Boys. Should he tell him? What if he laughed? He didn’t think he’d be able to take that if he got laughed at. Especially not from a guy like Tav. His fingers hovered over the keyboard while he thought about what to reply with.

_T: Gamzee? }:?_

_G: Don’t you dare fucking laugh._

_T: Laugh? Why would I, laugh?_

_G: It’s embarrassing, bro._

_T: I bet that if it’s, something you’re passionate about, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. I promise I won’t, laugh, Gamzee. Swear on my heart._

Gamzee whined. Tav was too kind and Gamzee’s hands settled on the keys. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before typing his response out quickly before he could change his mind. _Bad Bull Boys._

Tav didn’t respond. At least, not right away. Gamzee could almost see him laughing even though he promised he wouldn’t. Gamzee grabbed his goat plush and buried his face in it, wishing that this conversation never happened and that Tav wouldn’t push him away or make fun of him for liking the band. He nearly missed the beep of the new message notification, but he looked up in time and just stared at Tav’s response in utter shock.

_T: I can, probably get you a ticket._

_G: What? How?_

_T: Uh, I, have a friend. He works those kinds of, shows. I can ask him if, he can get you something._

_G: Bro, you don’t need to do that, I’m fine_

A file transfer popped up as he was typing. Gamzee clicked to receive it and opened it, finding himself staring at not only a ticket for the Bad Bull Boys’ concert, but a front row ticket and a backstage pass. He stared at it, wondering how it was possible, but his brain wasn’t coming up with any explanations. Tav sent him instructions to print it out and hand it to the people at the entrance. They’d give him the identification he needed in order to go backstage. Gamzee gushed at Tav about how he was the best person in the world and how excited he was.

_T: Haha, yeah. I hope you, have a good time!_

♪♫♪♫♪

Gamzee literally could not stop moving around. He was bouncing on his heels, bouncing on his toes, bouncing back and forth on his heels and toes, and almost nearly jumping in excitement. The stadium stretched high before him and he could already hear the screams and shouts of the fans. Most of the people here were young women, but he did see a few guys in line too. He started talking to a group of people and swapped stories and favorite songs. Once the women heard that this was his first concert, they started chattering about how there was one time the drummer stage-dived. This one woman shared a story of the time her friend was being harassed by some guys and the drummer literally stopped playing and sprinted off stage to punch the guy in the face.

“Really?” Gamzee stared at her, his mouth hanging out. A few people tried denying the truth of it, but the girl dug out her phone and showed them all the picture she took of him standing over the guy. The next picture was a selfie with him.

“He’s so cool!” The woman fanned her face while the others giggled. A few more stories were swapped around as they moved up in the line. Eventually, someone nudged Gamzee.

“So what are you doing here? Got a girlfriend who’s been dying to see the band?”

“Ha, yeah, no,” Gamzee laughed nervously, rubbing his arm and looking away from them. “Came here all by myself.”

“You want a girlfriend?” Someone asked and he shook his head.

“Kind of already got a crush on someone.”

“Oh? Haven’t made a move yet? Bet whoever they are, they’d be dying to have you talk to them! Go on, ask them out!” The others joined in and Gamzee blushed harder.

“This motherfucker really can’t do that.”

“Why not?” They all pressed in on him and he suddenly felt really small. His nerves kept prickling at him and he hunched up.

“He’s gonna be on stage tonight.” He finally answered as quiet as he could. A few of the women backed up and gave him space, nodding like they understood how he felt. Someone opened their mouth to ask who it was, but suddenly they were at the entrance and the group was separated. He was pushed into a far line and up to a person checking tickets. He fumbled out the printed copy of the ticket Tav sent him and handed it to the ticket person. They looked it over, blinked, and beckoned someone over.

The guy who stalked over was tall, lean, and his eyes never stopped moving around. Gamzee felt a sort of fear rising in him as the guy looked over his ticket, pushing up his red- and blue-tinted glasses. The guy nodded and motioned for Gamzee to follow him, allowing the rest of the line to go through. Gamzee caught a glimpse of a name badge on the guy’s uniform: Sollux. He put the printed ticket through a machine and out popped a laminated badge. He hooked a lanyard around it, dropped it over Gamzee’s head, and told him to follow the signs. When Gamzee looked back, the guy was climbing up some stairs and then he was gone from view.

Gamzee eventually found a seat and sat down, surrounded by a new group of people. As much as he missed the group he met in the line, he was glad he wasn’t with them anymore. It unnerved him when people made it their business to know personal things about him, like who he was crushing on and if it was proper or “normal”. He shook those thoughts away and focused on the stage. He had an extremely good seat. Suddenly he wished that he had brought a better camera. All he had was his phone.

He checked the time and waited patiently as the stadium filled up. He turned around and looked all the way up to the top of the stadium. There were people all the way up to the rafters! As he gazed around, the lights dropped low and the crowd quieted. He focused on the center of the stage as some people started moving around in the dark, setting everything up.

Out of nowhere, a guitar strummed and the crowd started up a dull roar as a drumbeat started, the lights flickering on in time to the beat until three figures were illuminated. Gamzee’s heart jumped in his chest as the sight of the band on stage. As the bassist joined in to the little jam session, Gamzee counted off their names in his head.

Equius dropped his head, his dreads bouncing along as he nodded to the beat. Karkat’s eyes were closed as a grin spread across his face, his sticks going too fast for Gamzee’s eyes to follow. A sudden, loud voice brought his attention up to the singer, Tavros. Gamzee felt his heart jump into his throat at the sight of him as he sang out, loud and strong. He pulled close to the mic, his whole body moving to the music while his hands strummed out the notes to the opening song on his guitar and Gamzee felt a twinge of envy for the microphone. The song ended as quickly as it begun and Tavros grinned out at the crowd. Gamzee felt his heart beating so fast he thought he might die. He was _here_. He wasn’t just watching from behind a computer screen; he was watching them in real life. He was watching them _now_ and he was _here._

“Hello Annadale!” The crowd roared back at him and he chuckled into the microphone. “It’s good to see you too! We are Bad Bull Boys and it is _great_ to be back here!” Gamzee blinked; had they been here before? He’d been following them for more than three years now. He was pretty sure he hadn’t missed a single show of theirs. At least, he watched all the ones they streamed online. He missed half of whatever Tavros said next, but Gamzee was swept up in the massive cheer and his attention snapped back to the stage.

“We’ve got a couple new songs for you that we’ll be playing tonight. This is the, first time we’ll be playing these songs, so I hope you enjoy them. But first, how about an old favorite?” Tavros nodded to Equius and he backed away from the microphone a little. Equius’ face was expressionless as he started up a song. Gamzee recognized it immediately. It was “Blue Skies”, a favorite of his. It started slow and it almost sounded like a love song. Gamzee swayed along to the music, tempted to close his eyes. The abrupt change in tone slammed into him at the chorus – _“You knocked me out and punched me down, told me no when you left me on the ground”_ – and he heard a couple people around him start singing. He looked around at the people around him and eventually most of the crowd was singing along. Gamzee looked back at the band; Equius didn’t look as though he noticed the crowd’s participation, but Karkat was watching Equius with a bit of a warm smile. Gamzee thought about a few of the rumors that Karkat and Equius were dating and he listened again to the lyrics.

“Thought you would never say yes, though you always brought me to my knees. You thought this was all a test; you thought me only a tease.” Gamzee caught the look Equius threw Karkat. The drummer barely missed his beat, but Gamzee was close enough that he thought he saw him blush.

The concert passed with a couple other songs, including two new ones Gamzee made a mental note to buy when he got home, and Tavros came back up to the microphone to speak.

“I hope that you’re enjoying yourselves.” Gamzee cheered with the crowd, his voice growing hoarse as the night went on. “We’re about to play one of my favorite songs which, incidentally, is the song that really got us off the ground. Think you guys can handle the bull?” The crowd cheered and Tavros laughed into the mic, rolling his shoulders and gesturing to quiet the crowd.

“Toro, toro,” he sang out by himself and a couple people started cheering excitedly. “I caught you in my line of sight. Toro, toro. You, wearing that red dress tonight.” A portion of the crowd started singing along with him, Gamzee being one of those people. “Toro, toro. I circled you with teeth that would bite. Toro, toro. Hold on when you’re grabbing me by the horns tonight!”

Gamzee sang along almost perfectly and when he raised his eyes up to the stage, he locked eyes with Tavros. The singer tilted his head and squinted a little, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smile. And then he was back singing and Gamzee was left standing, flushed right down his neck.

The rest of the concert passed by pretty quickly as Gamzee tried to catch Tavros’ eye again. He wanted Tavros to look at him again like that. It might just be a silly crush that he had, but that little smile that Tavros gave him when he looked at him sent sparks down his spine and he _longed_ for something like that to happen again. As the band finished their set, Gamzee sat back in his seat, listening to the crowd cheer and plead for “one more song!”, and he looked down at the lanyard around his neck. The words ‘BACKSTAGE PASS’ glared brightly against the orange background and he sighed. Boy, it would be great to meet Tavros.

And then he remembered.

He sat up straight, his eyes wide. He had a backstage pass. He could go backstage. He could go _meet_ Tavros. He huddled back in his seat, his nerves crackling at him as he chewed his lip. When should he go? Was there a group for him to go with? People were starting to leave now, but he didn’t know if he should leave with them or go somewhere else? Oh fuck, why was this so hard? He whined and curled up in his seat some more. He sat there wondering what to do when someone came up and tapped him on the shoulder. He jerked up and out of his seat with a yelp, nearly falling flat on the ground as he stumbled over his feet. The person caught him right before and helped him to steady himself. When he turned to thank the person, it was a woman.

“Well, aren’t you just a wriggly worm!” She laughed and introduced herself as Feferi. She shook his hand after he introduced himself and looked down at his badge. “Looks like you’re allowed backstage! You can follow me if you want. I’m heading over that way anyway. Gotta shove aside the crowds when the band leaves.” He tilted his head and she explained that she was one of the bodyguards for the band. He looked her over and raised his eyebrow, skeptical. She rolled her eyes, asked if it was fine if she touched him, and picked him up and raised him up over her head.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit,” Gamzee gasped, flailing, and her arms shook beneath him as she laughed. Feferi set him down gently and nudged him forward. “Motherfuck, you’re stronger than I would’ve thought possible!” He said once his feet were planted firmly on the ground. She laughed and they talked a little as they walked. She took him back around the stage and they weaved in between people moving around and carrying equipment. Someone walked right past him, their figure towering over him as they gave a cursory glance his way. He looked up to them and caught a flash of bright red hair. Someone else passed in front of him and after Gamzee jumped out of the way, the tall figure was gone.

“Nepeta!” Gamzee’s attention snapped back to Feferi as she called to someone. That someone was a slightly taller and a much leaner woman and she bounded over.

“Hey, what can I do _fur_ you?” Feferi laughed loudly while Gamzee looked on in mild confusion. Nepeta glanced at Gamzee and tilted her head, blinking slowly like he’d seen some cats do. It unnerved him a little, but he supposed that everything was a little unnerving tonight. That happened when doing new things, right?

“Can you take Gamzee here to meet the band? I need to make sure Shanahan has the right directions for the hotel. You remember what happened last time.” Nepeta nodded almost sagely and Gamzee shuffled awkwardly. Feferi waved goodbye to Gamzee and hurried off. He raised up his hand in a belated wave and peeked over his shoulder nervously at Nepeta. She was still staring at him. He chewed his lip nervously until she finally smiled and stuck out her hand.

“Hey! My name is Nepeta! Nice to meet you, Gamzee.”

“Yeah, it’s real nice to meet you too. What do you get up to around here?”

“I’m just another bodyguard for the band.” Gamzee gave her a quick once over like he did for Feferi, then decided to not be surprised anymore. He didn’t want to get picked up again. Nepeta laughed, seeing the look. “Don’t worry. We get that kind of look a lot. I can hold my own against most anyone.” She flexed to prove her point, but she paused, frowning a little. “Except Shanahan. He’s a little intimidating.” They stood in silence for a while, the only noise coming from Gamzee as he shifted his weight.

“Are you going to take me to the band?” Gamzee asked hesitantly, trying not to seem like he was rude or anything like that.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry. I get a little distracted someti—OH EQUIUS!” Nepeta spun around on her heel and ran off towards… oh _shit._ Gamzee froze in his spot at the sight of Equius and Karkat. Equius had his dreads tied up in a scrunchie and he carried the bags for the drumset’s equipment in both hands and over his shoulder. To his side was Karkat, the perpetual frown softening a little at the appearance of Nepeta. He carried a smaller bag – it probably had a… snare drum? Yeah, yeah, that was the name of it – out in front of him. When Nepeta started pointing at Gamzee, he glanced over and narrowed his eyes. Gamzee looked away, anxiously rubbing his arm. He heard a soft groan and a thud and he looked up to see Equius straighten, the bags he carried on the ground. He nudged Karkat pointedly in Gamzee’s direction and started walking over.

“Hello there,” Equius greeted once he stood in front of Gamzee. Karkat followed behind him by a few steps, his frown not quite there anymore. Gamzee hoped he wasn’t being a burden by being here this late.

“Hey, motherfuck- er, E-Equius,” Gamzee’s eyes jumped from Equius’ direct gaze and he blushed as he stuttered over the bassist’s name. Good job. Why do you look like a fool some more in front of your idols?

“It is nice to meet you,” Equius paused and Gamzee hastily introduced himself. “Gamzee, yes. It is nice to meet you, Gamzee. I hope that you enjoyed the concert?” Gamzee nodded and he tried to compliment him on his singing skills and playing skills, but it kind of morphed into one giant, rapid mess of words. He jumped when Karkat laughed and he offered a weak chuckle in return.

 _“Manners, Vantas,”_ Equius hissed under his breath, nudging Karkat. He stopped laughing and introduced himself too.

“So, what are you expecting here from us? We do have to be getting on a bus soon and I’d like to be able to get a decent amount of sleep before we leave tomorrow.” Karkat asked, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Oh, uh, I really didn’t think this through well enough, I guess. Didn’t even plan on being here at motherfucking all, but a… friend got a ticket and gave to me, I guess.” Gamzee blushed a little, thinking about Tav. He had to make sure to send him something back in thanks. But… what could he even get to pay back for this?

“Perhaps an autograph from the three of us?” Equius suggested. Gamzee started to explain that he didn’t bring anything for them to sign, let alone something to sign with, but Equius quickly whipped out a pen and a pad of paper. He signed his name in quick strokes, ripped out the paper, and handed it to Gamzee. He then passed the pad to Karkat, who eventually took it and signed as well. Gamzee took the signatures and babbled a sort of thanks. They said goodbye to him and grabbed their bags to take to the bus. Before they left, Nepeta asked them where Tavros was and Equius pointed in the opposite direction.

“Thanks Equius! I’ll be right back, Gamzee. You stay right there!” Nepeta called as she bounced away.

She ran around the wall and scanned the room for Tavros. He was over by some of the sound equipment, talking to Sollux. Nepeta launched herself over at them, grabbing Tavros’ hand, and tugging him away.

“Whoa, hey, uh, what is up, Nepeta?” Tavros asked as soon as they pulled to a stop.

“Okay, so there’s this guy here to meet you guys and he already met Equius and Karkat and so I came to find you so you could meet him too. You know, I’m honestly getting this vibe from him. I think he likes you and I mean, he _really_ likes you.” Nepeta leaned forward, waggling her eyebrows for effect. Tavros rolled his eyes.

“Okay, so where is he? Did you leave him alone like you… oh.” Tavros peeked around the corner, seeing Gamzee standing in the middle of the other room alone. Tavros pulled back behind the corner, his back pressed against the cool wall. Nepeta glanced at his expression only to smile slyly.

“I knew it,” she whispered with delight. “Is he?” Tavros nodded, a small smile coming to his face. Nepeta giggled and skipped away, eyes bright with mischief.

Tavros took in a deep breath and pushed off from the wall, fixing his hair and smoothing out his outfit. He walked around the corner with a laid-back grin.

Gamzee saw some movement coming towards him and looked up, only to freeze in place again. It was Tavros. _Tavros was walking over to him._ His heart sped up and his face went several shades darker than it already was. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_ Tavros _was walking towards him!_ He tried not to stare and tried looking at something else than his… muscles… or how tight that shirt was… or… uh…

“Hey!” Tavros greeted brightly. Gamzee’s gaze snapped up and… Tavros slowed briefly. Gamzee… didn’t recognize him? No, of course not, why would he? It’s not like he ever told him. He smiled. Nepeta was almost never wrong, so if Gamzee had a crush on him, maybe he could work with this.

Gamzee opened his mouth to say something back, anything at all, but all that came out of his mouth was a whine. He slapped a hand over his mouth, face burning. He suddenly wanted a hole to open up beneath his feet and suck him right up; fuck, this was embarrassing. Tavros smiled and held out his hand.

“Hey, I’m Tavros, but I suppose that, you knew that already. What’s your name?”

“Guh-Gamzee, bro.” Gamzee held out his hand, smiling shyly. He went several shades darker when Tavros gripped his hand. Oh hell, he was warmer than Gamzee could have imagined. His thoughts went immediately to having that heat wrapped around him and he felt his legs almost give out under him.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Tavros asked, one of his hands on his hip. Gamzee nodded ecstatically.

“I got my singing on during a couple of your songs and I’m just so motherfucking glad I was able to come,” Gamzee sighed, clutching his lanyard as he remembered who was able to get him the ticket. Tavros tilted his head, curious. “Oh, uh, a friend of mine was able to get me this ticket and the pass and all. I gotta remember to thank him and all…” Gamzee trailed off, chewing his lip.

“You know, maybe I should, uh, thank your friend too.”

“Huh, what?” Gamzee blinked, his attention back on Tavros.

“I just meant that you seem, like a pretty cool guy, Gamzee. I’m glad I got to meet, you.” Someone shouted Tavros’ name from the other side of the room. “Oh shit, I have to get going. Karkat’s pretty impatient after the shows. Hey! How about this? We take a selfie, and you give me your Skype so, er, you have a Skype?” Gamzee nodded slowly, incredulous at what was now happening. “Yeah, so you give me your Skype and I’ll, send the picture to you when I get the chance?” Tavros grabbed his phone and wrapped his hand around Gamzee’s waist to pull him in close to take a picture. Everything was happening too fast for Gamzee’s brain to process it, but he smiled as they took the selfie. He hastily typed out his Skype name on Tavros’ phone and the singer pulled him into a quick hug and ran off with a wave and a thanks. Gamzee lifted his hand up, dazed, confused, and just a little warmer than he was used to.

♪♫♪♫♪

The frozen dinner in the microwave cracked and popped as Gamzee moved his laptop to the kitchen. Above him, the neighbors were banging around again; he plugged his earbuds in as soon as one of the neighbors let out a loud moan. He pulled up the Bad Bull Boys’ site and went straight to the forums. There were a lot of people sharing stories and pictures from the concert and Gamzee started scrolling through them. Someone posted a video of Tavros singing Toro Toro. The microwave beeped when he clicked play and he went over to retrieve his food. He cleaned off a fork, sat back down, and restarted the video. It had a pretty decent quality even though the camera was zoomed in. Gamzee sang along, pretending that he was back at the concert and it was the moment where Tavros looked at him.

His face grew hot and he scrolled away from the video, his thoughts filled with Tavros again. Actually… speaking of Tavros, Gamzee pulled up Skype to see if he had a new contact request. Nothing showed up, but he shrugged. Tavros was sure to have a lot of things to do that were more important than trying to add a fan. He checked to see who else was on. Besides some old friends, no one else was on. His gaze lingered on Tav’s offline icon, but he eventually minimized the window and went to throw his garbage away. Seemed like the neighbors were taking a break. Hopefully, that was all for the night.

About an hour later, Gamze checked Skype again. Nothing. He frowned, but forced a shrug again. Maybe later.

Another hour passed and still nothing happened. Gamzee started to worry, pacing his bedroom while his goat plush stared at him next to his laptop. What if Tavros had been joking around when he asked for his Skype? What if he and the band were having a laugh at the poor fan who had taken a selfie with the singer?

No. No, the band would never do that. Gamzee knew that in his heart. Karkat might be vulgar and Equius might be rude some days, but they would never make fun of a fan of theirs. He thought about how Karkat had jumped off stage to beat up that douchebag that girl was telling him about. He smiled widely, thinking about how great they were, when his Skype beeped. Gamzee lunged for his laptop, nearly shoving it off his bed in his haste to check for…

Oh. It was Tav.

_T: Hey, Gamzee. Sorry that took so, long. Some things came up._

_G: Nah bro, that’s cool._

_T: How was the concert?_

Gamzee told Tav all about the concert. He started a little shy at first, giving his friend only a few details until Tav interrupted him and asked to hear everything about it.

_G: You sure bro?_

_T: Lay it on me_

He gave him all the details, starting from the beginning when he was in line all the way up to when he met the band. He had just finished telling him about how Tavros took a selfie with him and promised that he’d Skype him sometime.

_G: So that’s what a brother’s been doing all this time. Got my chill on and waiting for him, but it’s been a couple hours and I’ve been getting my worry on that he was just lying and… all that._

_T: Oh jeez, that’s rough to hear. I’m sure that he, just got busy and doesn’t have much time to get on yet. But, uh, hey, I got to meet this really cool guy, and, I think you might know him._

_G: Huh?_

Gamzee reared back from his computer, face all scrunched up. Tav met someone that he might know? How did that make any kind of sense? Tav lived… well, he didn’t really know where he lived, but Gamzee lived nowhere near him so how could he possibly know some random dude that he met? He was about to ask that very thing when a picture uploaded. Tav left a message underneath it saying that the guy he met was on the right. Gamzee clicked on it and stared at it for a good few seconds, trying to figure out exactly who this guy was and why… why he looked all kinds of familiar to him.

Dark dreads that stuck out everywhere, dark skin with little patches of light all over the guy’s face and his arms, and a very obvious blush that dove right down his neck. Gamzee frowned, gradually growing more and more confused.

“It’s… me,” he whispered, his eyes going to the guy next to him and did a double take.

It was the selfie Tavros had taken with him after the concert. That was Tavros next to him and Tav had sent this picture saying that he had met the guy on the right, but the guy on the right was _him_ and…

_G: You’re fuckin with me bro. There is no fucking you’d be able to get that picture unless you were..._

Another picture uploaded and Gamzee clicked on it with no hesitation. Tavros laid out on a bed, an old shirt hanging loosely off his body and some basketball shorts just barely visible. It was a gritty picture. It was a picture that had just been taken and probably with some laptop’s webcam.

_T: Yeah, Gamzee. It’s me._

Needless to say, Gamzee’s brain short circuited for a good minute after that. He had to look at both pictures several times and even had to get up and walk around once he got his thoughts back to him. Tav was Tavros. Tavros was Tav. He’d been chatting with someone actually famous for the last year and he had no idea! He stopped pacing and looked down at his hands. It had been a year right? Maybe not even that much. He groaned and fell to the floor, hiding his face behind his hands. He had shared some embarrassing stuff with Tav! And, oh. OH. Tav had said that he knew someone who could get him tickets, but Tav was Tavros and… Oh shit, did Tavros get him a ticket and a backstage pass just so that he could meet him?

Gamzee felt like he could faint at the thought. His computer beeped and he dragged himself up to look at the message. Tav, Tavros, was asking if he was all right.

_G: Yeah, I’m doing all right. A motherfucker’s just a little overwhelmed, you get?_

Gamzee kneeled at his bed, leaning against the edge so he could type. One hand covered his face as he typed with one hand. Tavros messaged him back and… Oh no. Oh no, he was asking for a picture in return. Gamzee felt his ears burn. But he really couldn’t say no to Tavros and so he clicked on his webcam and picked the least embarrassing one of at least fourteen pictures. If Tavros looked hard enough, or even just took a quick look at it, he’d see Gamzee was flushed down to his neck. Tavros typed back a thanks – fuck, was it hot in here? Immediately after, Tavros sent him another picture.

It was obviously a posed picture. Tavros stood a little further back from the camera and held a mug in his hand. Gamzee’s eyes were drawn to the bright orange mug with the words EAT DICK written in big, black letters on the side. Gamzee found it hard to swallow. Fuck, he needed some water; he was too thirsty for this shit.

_G: Motherfuck, that’s a mug._

_T: ha, yeah, it sure is a mug. Karkat got it for me last Christmas. I think he meant it as a joke, gift, but… }:)_

Gamzee laughed and they talked back and forth for a little while longer that night. It was nice, kind of like getting to know him for the first time again. Sure, Gamzee knew Tavros’ favorite foods and his favorite games, but now it had a whole new context. Now, Gamzee imagined Tavros eating Mexican food with Karkat and Equius instead of some unknown friends. He could see them hanging about and talking and practicing and Gamzee couldn’t help but be in pure, motherfucking awe that he knew Tavros. Hell, he could even say they were friends! By the time Tavros bid him goodnight, Gamzee had a folder filled with pictures of Tavros, including the shirt that Equius had gotten Tavros last Christmas too which Gamzee was going to save to look at later. He felt like his chest was going to burst open from pure happiness. He wished Tavros good dreams and fell back onto his bed with a happy sigh.

The last thing he thought of was that now he had one crush instead of two.


	2. Greatest Day

Oh shit, he had one crush instead of two. Normally, that would be a good motherfucking thing. Don’t need to worry about anything but that one crush. Except that in Gamzee’s case, his two crushes had always been the same person. There was Tav, the Skype crush who he didn’t know too much about and there was Tavros, the lead singer of his favorite band. By some twist of fate, they had ended up being the same person and Gamzee found himself crushing harder than a pop can under pressure.

Gamzee sipped his pop, tapping the side of it while he watched one of the old question and answer sessions for the band. The band had been asked what their favorite movies were and Karkat was listing off his favorite romcoms, including the reasons why they were placed where they were in his list. His answer was now hitting the five minute mark and Tavros had his hand over his mouth as he covered his laughter. At about six minutes, Equius cut Karkat off with his own list of movies, keeping it short and to the point. He waved his hand to signal the end of that discussion, keeping his other hand on Karkat’s shoulder to keep him quiet.

Gamzee wasn’t sure what to do. His shift at work got moved around again and he didn’t have to go for the next two days. He took another sip of his drink and listened as Tavros answered a question about if they were working on any new songs. Gamzee blinked. He recognized this conversation. Had he watched this already? He pursed his lips and fast forwarded through the video, nodding to himself. Yeah, he saw this one already. And nearly every video in this playlist. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, downing his drink. He was bored and he didn’t want to stay cooped up in the apartment all day. His nerves were still on hyperdrive from the night before.

He switched windows, looking through his notes. Maybe there was something going on today. It was still pretty warm out too. Nah, no, nope, oh he missed that one… No, no, no, wait! Gamzee stopped at one note all in capital letters: CARNIVAL, DOWNTOWN. Gamzee leapt to his feet and ran to his room, suddenly all excited. He forgot about the carnival! He remembered writing the note, but maybe because he was supposed to work, he gave up all hope of going this year. He cleaned up as best as he could in his rush, grabbed his wallet, and all but ran down the stairs and out the front door.

As he got closer, he slowed down to a little, bouncing walk. The sun was out and it was warm and bright and Gamzee couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He could hear music playing in the distance and he briefly wondered what band was playing. The town always had a little festival going on during the same time as the carnival and people from all over the area came to visit. He was glad he lived close enough to walk there; he didn’t have to worry about parking spaces. He walked behind a family with three little children and when one of them nearly ran in front of a car, Gamzee lurched forward and grabbed them. He handed the kid off to the grateful mother and jumped out of the way when the car blared its horn. He laughed sheepishly and waited until he could cross the street.

Gamzee wandered around mainly, looking at all the rides and picking out the ones he wanted to ride the most. He would need to buy tickets first and he wanted to make sure he had enough money before he bought a bunch. There was one tall ride called the Zipper. It kind of looked like a Ferris wheel, but it was more oblong-shaped and not all the seats faced the same way. The seats alternated between facing away from the ride and facing in towards the ride. The seats also swung around freely as the frame rotated around the stand holding it up. It was the only ride Gamzee hadn’t been on yet. He wanted to, but he never had the courage to actually get on it.

“Yeah, no, you’re fucking insane if you’re getting on that thing.” Gamzee blinked at the loud voice. It was a little familiar and he couldn’t figure out why it was until he turned to scan the crowd. Gamzee froze in his spot, outright staring at Karkat as he shouted at Equius about the ride. Equius smiled and squeezed the drummer’s shoulder. He tilted his head and Gamzee could see that he was talking, but he couldn’t hear his voice over the loud screams coming from the ride.

“You hear that? Those are the screams of the imminently damned and there is no fucking way you’re getting me on that. I’d rather die by getting trampled than die by getting on that rickety, old – what are you looking at?” Karkat spun around and looked in the direction Equius had nodded, immediately seeing Gamzee. “Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Karkat groaned, going to grab Equius’ hand and came up empty. He looked around confused for a moment until he saw that Equius was walking over to Gamzee.

Gamzee didn’t see the nod in his direction, but he had realize that he’d been staring and immediately turned his attention away and hoped they didn’t see him staring. He lost all hope of that when he felt a presence behind him. He turned around and smiled nervously at Equius as he all but towered over him.

“Uh, hey there?”

“Hello,” Equius answered, straightening as if he realized he was towering. Gamzee didn’t feel any less nervous. It didn’t help that the bassist just stood there and didn’t say anything. Gamzee felt like he was about to bolt when Equius’ hand dropped on his shoulder, holding him there. “Apologies if you do not like to be touched, but I wish to talk to you and I did not want to have to chase you down.”

“Talk?” Gamzee asked, his voice high and he coughed to clear his throat. “Talk about what?” He asked again. Equius removed his hand and Gamzee breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ah, apologies for scaring you as well, if that was what happened. It was not my intention. It has come to my attention that you and Tavros are rather close and I,” Equius paused, looking at Karkat. His lips were pressed together in a tight line and he looked to be fuming quietly. “I believe that I last saw Tavros over by one of the carnival games. There’s a cotton candy machine that way?” Equius nodded and left Gamzee behind, taking Karkat’s hand and tugging him over to a different ride. Gamzee watched them go for a few seconds before he ran off in the direction of the cotton candy machine.

He had to weave through a crowd of people, but soon enough he arrived at the cotton candy station. He scanned the crowd for Tavros and he found him sitting at a table by himself and eating some funnel cake. Gamzee sighed dreamily and warmth spread through him at the sight of Tavros. He started to take a step forward when his anxiety caught up with him and forced him to stand there and stare. He chewed his lip and hesitated. Would it come off as weird if he walked up to him and said hi? But Equius had told him where Tavros was and he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t expect Gamzee to talk to him. But it was _Tavros!_ Tavros, lead singer of a motherfucking band and Gamzee wanted to walk up to him as if they were friends, but he also felt sick to his gut with anxiety just thinking about walking over there.

“Excuse me, sir? Do you want some?” The guy at the cotton candy station asked and Gamzee turned around stiffly, nodding. “Flavor?” Gamzee answered him and the guy nodded and gave Gamzee his cotton candy and he passed the guy the money. Gamzee breathed in, spun around, and walked to Tavros before his brain could force him away again. He stopped a few feet from the table and asked if he could sit down.

“Uh, yeah, that should be fine,” Tavros nodded, glancing up briefly. At the sight of Gamzee, a small smile spread across his face and Gamzee felt his face go hot. “Oh, hey, Gamzee. I didn’t expect to see, you here. Yeah, sit down.” Tavros scooted over so he’d have some space to sit next to him and Gamzee plopped down, taking a bite of his cotton candy.

“Same here. Uh, meaning that I didn’t think I’d see you here, bro. Not that I didn’t think I’d see me here… well, I didn’t, but that’s not what I meant and,” Gamzee trailed off when Tavros started laughing at his fumbling around.

“For what it’s worth, I didn’t think, I’d see me here either. We were going to drive this morning, but Shanahan saw the carnival and forced everyone to get out. He was the first one in this place, and I haven’t seen him since. I think I saw him in the, uh, the tilt-a-whirl when I passed it. He looked like he was having a blast, so, uh, I guess it’s good that we stopped here.”

“Yeah, if you motherfuckers didn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten to see you before you left,” Gamzee laughed and Tavros nodded.

“Yeah, I’m glad I got to see you, again.”

Gamzee smiled and hid behind his cotton candy in embarrassment. Tavros was glad that he got to see _him_. Out of everyone he could be seeing today, he was glad to see him and Gamzee was so happy his smile spread from ear to ear. Tavros nudged his thigh against Gamzee’s and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Are you, uh, doing okay, Gamzee? You’re feeling pretty warm.” Tavros had his hand on Gamzee’s arm and he felt like he was going to faint or blurt something out or—

“Well you’re pretty hot, uh, no wait, I meant you feel pretty hot, or, wait, no, you’re pretty, uh,” Okay, blurting something out it was. Gamzee groaned and hid his face behind his cotton candy again.

“Dude, if I was any hotter, I’d, be literally on fire. Now you, you, uh,” Tavros trailed off and Gamzee lifted his head up so that his eyes peeked out from the top of his cotton candy. “You’re, uh, you’re pretty cool.”

“Compared to you, I am,” Gamzee snickered and Tavros playfully punched his shoulder.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m very cool. I’m the coolest of cool. I’m nearly ice cold.”

“But I thought you were hot, bro?”

“I am. Both of them. At the same time. I’m hot and cold.”

“Are you yes or are you no?”

Tavros opened his mouth to shoot something back and found he had nothing to say.

“You win this round,” he muttered, playfully shoving Gamzee to the side and returned to his funnel cake.

“Ooh, I win? And what do I win?”

“A punch in the arm or—“

“A kiss on the cheek?” Gamzee asked without thinking, realized what he said, and stuffed the rest of his cotton candy in his mouth, half hoping he’d choke on it and die right there. “Or you could just punch me, that’s totally fine too,” he mumbled around a mouthful of cotton candy, not looking at Tavros. He could feel the other staring at him. Was he thinking about it? Oh god, what if he took it seriously? Gamzee was sure he would die if Tavros kissed him. Hell, he didn’t even know if Tavros liked him like he did. Oh fuck, what if he just screwed up this whole friendship thing? He chewed his lip, the cotton candy melting in his mouth as he worried.

“You know what? I think I’ll do you one better.”

“What? One better than—“ Tavros didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence. He grabbed Gamzee’s chin and turned his face to his and pressed his lips all soft and careful on Gamzee’s. Tavros pulled back before he could process what happened and he sat there all dazed for a good minute. Maybe a minute and a half.

Soon enough he recovered from the shock of the kiss and he stared at Tavros for a second before asking, “Wait, does that mean you’ve got feelings for me, bro?”

“Feelings of a, uh, romantic sort, yeah. It’s been happening for a while and I, uh, didn’t really know how to tell you. Especially since, before last night, you didn’t know what I looked like.”

“Bro, you look so much better than I could have ever motherfucking dreamed,” Gamzee murmured, scooting a little closer, that dreamy look in his eyes.

“Do you, feel the same way then?” Tavros asked and Gamzee’s heart melted at the hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“Right now I’m mostly feeling like I wanna kiss you again, but yeah. I’ve got feelings of a romantic sort for you too,” Gamzee replied and he watched Tavros take his hand and kiss his knuckles. His heart fluttered and Tavros gave him this flirty little wink.

“Do you want to do anything while we’re, here?” He asked, linking his fingers with Gamzee’s.

“Yeah, bro, I’ve got a couple good motherfucking ideas.”

♪♫♪♫♪

“Shit, shit, shit, get me off this fucking metal deathtrap!” Karkat’s voice wailed over the creaking and the clattering of the Zipper. Gamzee screamed in excitement as Tavros forced their car to rotate wildly again. He laughed loudly, his grin stretching wide across his face. Gamzee couldn’t help but join in on his joy, his own smile the widest it had been in weeks. They went over the top of the ride and it switched directions and Karkat’s stream of cursing grew louder. As they went back over, Gamzee caught the small smile on Equius’ face. It was definitely a good motherfucking day.

It was definitely a good day, Equius thought as he walked back from the bus’s restroom. He wiped his hands with the crisp, white towel as he walked half the length of the bus. The door to Tavros’ room was cracked and Equius could hear his bandmate snoring. He nodded, same as usual, and walked past the room. He continued his slow journey, folding the towel once he was done. He’d return it as soon as possible, but not now. Now was his quiet time, the most peaceful time of the day for him. With a small smile, he thought about how contradictory that statement was. After all, it was in the middle of the night.

The bus bounced a little as they went over a rough spot in the road and Equius glanced to the front. Shanahan was steady and didn’t look as though he was nodding off. Equius could hear faint music. Shanahan shifted and settled back in his seat, his fingers tapping out the rhythm. That was as usual as well. Equius didn’t go down and talk to the bus driver; he didn’t have anything to say to him and Shanahan would probably not enjoy the company. He was busy with his own quiet time and he became rather loud when he was interrupted. Besides, he was used to Equius’ nighttime movements. They had been around each other long enough to expect Equius moving around. They had nowhere to be tomorrow. He’d sleep when they stopped. Or he’d sleep after the sun rose. Shanahan was known to drive for longer than he probably should, especially if he stopped for some coffee somewhere.

Equius walked a little further and sat down next to a sleeping Karkat. He looked rather peaceful while he slept and Equius couldn’t stop his hand from gently caressing his beloved’s cheek. He smiled softly, running his hands through Karkat’s hair. Karkat made a soft noise in his sleep and snuggled closer to his touch. Equius sighed and set the towel aside as he pulled Karkat closer to him. He settled back on the couch, resting his hands on Karkat’s chest, and he looked out the window to the clear night sky. The moon was so bright it illuminated the landscape enough that he could tell what was a tree versus what was a bush.

His gaze lifted up to the sky and he traced the constellations in his mind. It had been three months since Tavros and Gamzee had become close. Equius wouldn’t say that they were dating – the thought of that word having any relation to what they were doing made his nose scrunch up. It was not so much that he disliked the idea of them together, it was merely that they had not made it official. Tavros had not come up to the rest of the band to say “Hey, we’re dating!” To his knowledge, they had not even made it official between each other. He pursed his lips and Karkat shifted in his sleep. His hand wrapped around Equius’ and he had to sigh. Equius ran his free hand’s fingers down Karkat’s cheek. Perhaps his beloved was rubbing off on him. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered what the following days would have in store for them.

Equius woke with a start to the sound of Tavros laughing uproariously. He blinked awake and began to sit up and he realized that he didn’t have the heavy, solid weight of Karkat’s body on top of him. He looked around the room and found Karkat sitting in a bean bag, his laptop up and running. Equius could hear the cooling fan from where he sat on the other side of the room. Karkat really needed to exchange that one for a newer version, but Karkat was more stubborn than a mule and he would not let go of the four-year old laptop until it literally fell apart. Or whenever it blew up on him, which Equius feared would be rather soon.

Tavros had his laptop up too; the back of the screen was covered in stickers from various video games. Some of them, Equius recognized, but there were many more he had not heard of. Tavros laughed again and Equius could hear faint sounds of one of said games playing. Equius turned his attention from his bandmates to the windows of the bus. It was daylight and they were still in the bus and they were not moving. He frowned and cleared his throat. Karkat looked up from his screen and saw Equius’ confused expression.

“Shanahan had to pull over. Fucking ass was nodding off to sleep and had the sense to not kill us all.”

“Are we too far from a motel where we could have stayed?”

“Dude, we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere. We are surrounded by fields of corn carcasses,” Karkat replied with a deadpan expression and irritation lacing his voice.

“Wow, that’s, uh, one way to put it,” Tavros piped up before cursing under his breath and going back to whatever game he was playing. Equius blinked once before settling back against the couch. If Shanahan was sleeping, then there was nothing much they could do. It was a good thing that they had nowhere to be. He blinked slowly, staring at the ceiling. He was not tired; he slept well enough that night. He was not too hungry either. He’d get food whenever he felt the need to. To be perfectly honest, the only thing he wanted to do was to see his family. The holidays were closing in fast and last year’s holiday concert series was hell. The band had not been able to go and see their families more than a week during the holiday season before they had to drive off and play for their fans. It made him feel hollow and empty and his depression hit him like several bricks to the face.

He did not know how his bandmates felt during that series of concerts. He did not like bringing it up around them because of the feelings it brought him. He closed his eyes, breathing slowly. Just the thought of that made his limbs feel heavy and he could feel the dark thoughts creeping up his spine and making their home in the back of his—

“Hey,” came Karkat’s rough voice through the thoughts and Equius’ cracked one eye open to side-eye his boyfriend. Warmth spread over his shoulder where the gentle, grounding heaviness of Karkat’s hand rested. He squeezed his hand and Equius softened – when had he gone tense? He opened his eyes more fully and decided it didn’t matter anymore.

“Hey, dick-munch,” Karkat called again, his voice softer than usual, though it was still as rough as always. “I think you should take that ratty thing off and take a goddamn shower.” He nodded to Equius’ chest and Equius sighed and nodded.

“Perhaps that would be best. If only for a short period of time.” Equius sat up and stretched as he stood to his feet. Now that he was moving his stomach panged. He rubbed his stomach with a sigh. He’d eat after his shower. As he walked back to the restroom, Karkat followed, glancing over his shoulder.

“Tavros is setting up his webcam so you know he’s who he’s going to talk to,” Karkat started, his voice still in that hushed whisper. Equius rolled his eyes and entered the restroom, leaving the door cracked so Karkat could still talk to him. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind if Karkat followed him in, but Karkat never did. He instead turned away from the cracked door, raising his voice just enough to talk back and still give Equius his privacy. Equius was thankful for that. While he didn’t mind if Karkat saw him without wearing his clothes, he still appreciated the gesture. He climbed into the shower while Karkat told him about this guy who he had been arguing with about which romcom was better and for what reasons.

On the other end of the bus, Tavros had finally gotten a hold of Gamzee. He greeted him with a smile and they started talking about something or other. Karkat honestly didn’t give a rat’s ass about it. Except that the two had been talking for a couple months now and he couldn’t tell if they were dating or not. He didn’t care. He really didn’t. It was just that if they were dating, Tavros hadn’t made it known whatsoever. If they weren’t dating, then that just ticked Karkat off even more. They didn’t talk like they were “just friends” – air quotes were definitely needed there. They talked nearly every time Tavros could get a chance to talk, which was nearly every day. They only recently started the video chats. Karkat raised his lip; he liked it better when they sent their innuendos silently. A soft growl rose in his throat when Tavros replied to Gamzee with a particular nasty – if a bit cheesy – innuendo about his dick. Of course, Tavros couldn’t hear it from all the way over there and Equius was still showering, so there was that noise that covered it up.

Karkat knew that Tavros could be incredibly inappropriate at times – he unfortunately still remembered the singer’s comment when Karkat took a cream pie to the face for that one charity – but this was absolutely disgusting. As he shouted at Tavros to stop it, he heard the water shut off and the shower curtain get pulled back. He sighed and leaned against the wall, waiting for Equius to get out. He wondered if he and Equius would be able to go on another date soon. As much as he didn’t like the idea of Tavros dating Gamzee – god, he hoped that wasn’t going to happen – their talks did make him wish for something for him and his boyfriend to do. He sighed again, frowning at Tavros as he burst out laughing at whatever Gamzee said.

Equius stepped out of the bathroom, a towel in hand as he dried his dreads. Karkat glanced at his outfit and clicked his tongue disapprovingly. It was the same thing he wore before he cleaned up. Karkat was about to tell him to throw that shit in the hamper when Equius walked towards Tavros and his open laptop.

“Oh, hey Equius. What’s up?” Tavros asked as Equius leaned down to get a look at Gamzee through the screen. Gamzee greeted him too, though a little more nervous than he was with Tavros. Equius nodded a greeting and straightened, moving on to another clump of his hair.

“I do not believe that we have any concerts or related activities planned for the next few weeks, though I do believe we are to head home soon. At least to Karkat and I’s hometown. Shanahan, is that correct?” He called out to the driver, who was sleeping in a chair near the front of the bus. Or he had been sleeping. Now he was awake with murder in his eyes.

“Is what correct?” Shanahan called back, his voice rough and tired. Equius repeated his sentence and Shanahan nodded and called back to the band again. “Ay, that’s right. Give me a couple more hours. ‘M tired as all fucking hells.”

“Uh, why all the questions?” Tavros asked, rather confused by the exchange. Karkat still leaned against the wall, but his body was rigid with his arms crossed over his chest. He did not like what he thought was going on.

“Because I believe that we will be driving through where Gamzee lives—“

“Oh, _hell no!_ ” Karkat shouted, jumping back from the wall and stalking over to the other two.

“— and I thought that perhaps he'd like to join us for the trip?" Equius finished as Karkat tried to shout over him about how that was a terrible idea. Tavros sat there with his mouth clamped shut and Gamzee sat by his computer utterly dumbstruck at the idea. Karkat started pacing, still listing off reasons why it was not a good idea when a heavy hand clapped down on his shoulder. He froze in mid-stride and looked back at the towering figure behind him.

“I’m thinking it might be best if you ask ‘im yourself,” Shanahan replied, nodding in the direction of the screen. Equius turned back to the screen to wait for an answer while Karkat wrenched away from the larger man and stomped away to his own room.

“Can I think on it? Big motherfucking decision right there, bro,” Gamzee murmured, not at all sure if he was entirely welcome on the bus. Equius nodded and told him that they’d let him know when they were in his area.

“It will mostly likely take about three hours for us to reach you, so you would have until then.” Satisfied, Equius walked away, heading to his room for some new clothes. Tavros resumed his chat with Gamzee, ending the video call when Gamzee asked him to. Soon enough, they had to end the chat so the band could stop and eat something. When they returned to the bus, Gamzee texted Tavros and said that he was able to join them for a couple days. He asked what he should bring and Tavros replied about possible sleeping arrangements and that they would be there in another two hours.


	3. Blue Skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter is a flashback.

Gamzee waited by his apartment door, an old, weathered backpack hanging from one shoulder. Next to him on the floor was an even older suitcase that was more like a duffle bag than a suitcase. The over-the-shoulder strap had fallen apart the last time he use it and he decided to cut it off rather than fix it. The thing was something he had been given in his first foster home. He blinked and looked at the time on his phone, trying not to think too hard on that experience. They gave him the suitcase and he had been moved to a different home the week after. Shit was all kinds of depressing to think about and he didn’t want to be thinking of that.

Instead, he thought about why he had all his stuff packed up and ready to go. The Bad Bull Boys had invited him to join them on their bus as they went to visit their own homes. That thought made most of his sad thoughts disappear and he found himself smiling again. It was all kinds of miraculous. He shifted the backpack’s strap and went through a mental checklist. He had everything he thought he needed, including a sleeping bag. He wasn’t actually sure where he was gonna sleep, but he was sure that they’d figure that out soon enough.

“Toro Toro” played from his phone and he tapped open the text. Looks like they were at the building’s front door. He hiked the backpack up again, picked up the suitcase, and tried not to go tumbling down the stairs. As soon as he got to the door, he found himself all wrapped up in Tavros’ arms and he was all but dragged out of the building.

“Hey Gamzee!” Tavros greeted once he let go. Gamzee smiled sheepishly back, his cheeks darkening a bit at the very sight of Tavros. Tavros, with his golden brown skin and dark brown eyes and silky-looking hair and oh god, his eyes were so motherfucking gorgeous and Gamzee’s train of thought basically fell off a motherfucking cliff as he sighed dreamily. “Uh, Gamzee?”

Gamzee snapped back to his body, blinking as he tried to focus on Tavros and not on how Tavros looked. Tavros smiled and asked if he needed some help with his bags. Gamzee was about to say no, but Tavros was already taking the suitcase. He lifted it up over his shoulder like it was nothing. Gamzee was simultaneously amazed and very worried that it was going to rip. He ran after him until they were walking next to each other. Tavros led him up to the bus – to which Gamzee had to stop and stare at it for nearly a whole minute – and gave him a quick tour.

“I guess it would be a good idea to do an, introduction between you and our bus driver. Gamzee, this is Shanahan. Shanahan, Gamzee.” Tavros waved in the direction of a huge man with striking red hair sitting at the front of the bus as he set down the suitcase. Shanahan gave him a cursory glance and nodded once. Gamzee waved back, all kinds of nervous. He remembered this guy from when he first met the band. He also remembered Nepeta talking about him. Gamzee was sure he was some kind of scary dude and now, after being introduced, he was even more sure about his first impression.

“He’s not so bad once you get used to him,” Equius called from the couch. Gamzee glanced over, stumbling forward when Shanahan pushed him out of the way.

“You’re going t’ need to move. I need to see my mirrors, kid.”

“Yeah,” Gamzee murmured, looking at the floor all embarrassed and shit now. “Sorry.” He shuffled a little closer to Tavros, half looking for some comfort and half looking for something to hide behind. Tavros noticed and wrapped an arm around Gamzee’s waist. He smiled gently, squeezing the other’s side when he leaned into him. Karkat looked up from where he laid over Equius’ lap and frowned before burying his face back in his book.  

“Hey, you, uh, wanna put your stuff in my room? There should be, enough room,” Tavros asked, laughing softly when Gamzee went all stiff with his eyes as wide as an owl’s at the thought. Before Gamzee could respond, the bus lurched forward and Gamzee lurched with it. In the opposite direction. Thankfully, Tavros was expecting something like that to happen and had a tight enough grip on Gamzee so he didn’t go flying. He did make the cutest sound though. Was that a squeak? He smiled. He definitely had to hear that again sometime. Tavros let go of Gamzee to grab his suitcase and then linked their hands together as he guided him through the rest of the bus. Gamzee was mostly quiet and maybe a little unsteady on his feet and Tavros guessed that the whole experience might be a little overwhelming for him.

“Hey, you, uh, want to just stay here and, chill for a while? We’ll probably be stopping for, food somewhere in a couple hours. Do you have any, uh, preferences?” Tavros asked. He dropped the suitcase on the floor next to his small closet. The band more or less lived on the bus for weeks at a time, depending on how the schedule ending up working, so they each had a place to call their own where they could sleep. To Tavros’ knowledge, he was the only one to actually sleep in his room regularly. Karkat was either in his room or Equius’. He’s been known to even sleep in the beanbag after the later shows. Equius ended up sleeping almost anywhere. Tavros once tripped over him while on the way to the bathroom because the guy fell asleep on the floor!

Gamzee stood awkwardly off to the side, his gaze directed to the floor as he shrugged his shoulders noncommittedly. Tavros briefly wondered if it was a bad idea to bring him on the bus, but he shook the thought out of his head. He wanted Gamzee here and Gamzee sounded very excited at the idea of being with them!

“Hey,” he called softly, stretching out a hand. Gamzee looked up and Tavros smiled, beckoning him over. “Come here? They’ll knock if they need us, okay?” He leaned over and took Gamzee’s hand, gently pulling him over so that they were lying on his bed. “I just, uh, wanted to say that I’m, really glad you decided to come with us. It’s, nice being able to, uh, be with you and it not being us, talking through a computer screen.” Tavros rolled over on his side and brought up Gamzee’s hands in between them. He pressed a kiss to each of Gamzee’s knuckles, laughing when his cheeks darkened.

“Yeah, I’m real glad to be here with you too, bro. Is it cool if I’m here in your motherfucking bed and all? Don’t want to be all kinds of scandalous with you,” Gamzee snickered. There was the Gamzee he was used to. The Gamzee who was comfortable around him, even if there were times he’d go back to being that in-awe fan. That was fine though, Tavros thought. As long as he didn’t get the thought that he wasn’t worth anything to Tavros and ran. His smile fell a bit at that thought, but he leaned forward and kissed Gamzee’s nose.

“But what if I want to be all, kinds of scandalous with you?”

“Then I might have to take you up on that offer of yours,” Gamzee grinned, yelping loudly when Tavros flipped them over and pinned him to the bed, kissing him all over his face and neck. He fell into a mess of giggles and gasps as Tavros continued and he couldn’t help but pull him in closer.

In a few hours, the bus stopped at a taco place and Gamzee sat so close to Tavros that he was almost sitting in his lap. At least, that’s what Karkat said. Not two minutes later, he asked Gamzee about the dark red spot on his neck as the waiter shuffled awkwardly, ready to take their order. Gamzee went silent and stayed mostly silent for the rest of dinner, trying to subtly hide the mark on his neck. Tavros kicked Karkat under the table and even Equius gave him a glare. Shanahan did the smart thing and got a table all to himself, far enough away from the band that he didn’t have to deal with their shenanigans. Gamzee glanced over at one point and he looked to be sleeping with a bowl of salsa very close to his face.

After they all returned to the bus and after Shanahan stopped for some coffee – Gamzee didn’t miss the way Equius pursed his lips disapprovingly, – it was getting rather late. Karkat moved into his room and Gamzee didn’t think he’d see him until morning, if then. Equius was resting on the couch and Gamzee followed Tavros back into his room, hoping for a continuation of what they were doing before supper. Instead, Gamzee got an eyeful of a shirtless Tavros as he got ready for bed. He tried not to drool as Tavros took off his pants as well – goddamn, that _ass_. When he saw him looking, Tavros laughed and walked over to where Gamzee was still standing, swaying his hips as he walked.

“You, like what you see?” He asked in a sing-song voice. Gamzee practically melted at the sound – god, he had a gorgeous voice – and nodded dumbly. Tavros walked him into the wall, biting his lip in an incredibly sexy way as he looked down at Gamzee before locking eyes with him. Gamzee shivered at the dark, lidded gaze Tavros was giving him. His knees felt weak and he had no idea what to do with his hands. Was he supposed to wrap them around his waist? His shoulders? Gamzee’s brain just up and left him to deal with the half-naked hunk who had him pressed up against a wall. Tavros took Gamzee’s hands and pressed them against his ass, making him squeeze his ass. “You like what you, feel?” Gamzee nodded again, licking his lips as Tavros pulled him in close again and kissed him deeply.

Tavros all but dragged him over to the bed, asking him how comfortable he was and how far he wanted to go. Gamzee blinked, opening and closing his mouth as he actually gave this some thought.

“I’m liking the whole kissing thing, but not much beyond that? You get me, brother? I’m not saying you’re not all kinds of sexy and I don’t want to take part in that, but… not now? Not tonight? Is that cool, bro?”

“Yeah, Gamzee,” Tavros replied, pressing a soft kiss to Gamzee’s neck, right on the mark he left earlier. “I get you. We’ll take it, at your pace. Should I put, on some pants then?” Tavros laughed as he pulled on a pair of lounge pants. Gamzee rolled off the bed and looked through his stuff and, to his dismay, quickly found out that he didn’t pack any pajamas. Tavros saw the look on his face and opened his closet.

“You can, probably just borrow some of my stuff. It’ll be too big, but—“

“No, no, bro! It’s fine. I can just sleep in my clothes. I don’t need anything special or fancy to sleep in.”

“Good,” Tavros replied, tossing an old baggy shirt and some pajama pants at Gamzee. “Neither of those are special or fancy. Just perfect for you.” He turned his gaze aside to give him some privacy as he changed. Gamzee joined him in the bed, tying the strings of the pants tighter so they wouldn’t slide off his hips in the middle of the night. The shirt was nearly twice his size, but it was so cozy and soft and it smelled like Tavros that he didn’t want to take it off. They crawled under the covers and Gamzee fell asleep to the sound of Tavros’ breathing.

Gamzee woke up to the sound of Tavros’ breathing, as well as a very dark room. Gamzee rubbed his eyes, yawning, and checked the time. It was only one am. How long had he slept for? Definitely not enough was the only answer he could think of. He sighed and pulled his legs up against his body. He knew this was gonna happen. He didn’t sleep well in moving vehicles. He thought it might be different since there was a bed involved, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. Gamzee considered attempting to go back to sleep, but he decided against it. Instead, he climbed out of the bed, hit the wall as the bus made a turn, and stumbled out of Tavros’ room. He went to the bathroom while he was out. Once he was finished, he scanned the main area until his gaze fell on Equius.

Gamzee blinked, tilting his head curiously as he walked over to where Equius laid on the couch. He looked like he was sleeping. The hood of his sweater was pulled up over his hair as he reclined back, his hands in his pockets. As he walked over, Gamzee saw the tilt of Equius’ head in his direction.

“Are you awake?” Gamzee asked as quietly as he could, risking a glance at Shanahan.

“If I don’t answer, would that be a sufficient reply?” Equius asked, shifting around so that he was in a more upright position. He glanced at Gamzee and gestured for him to sit down. “I assume that you can’t sleep?”

“Yeah. I don’t do well with sleeping in vehicles. Too much moving around,” Gamzee replied and waited for Equius to say something else. When he didn’t, Gamzee asked, “Why are you up?”

“Habit.”

“Habit? What do you mean?”

“I like to look at the stars. No one but Shanahan is awake at this time and it gives me a peaceful moment in my day. It reminds me of the things that make me happy.”

“How so?” Gamzee asked. Equius was silent for a while and Gamzee was worried he fell asleep.

“My family and I like to look up at the stars. I grew up in a house in the country, far enough away from the city lights where I could see the galaxy on a clear night. My mom taught me how to see the constellations in the night sky and how to tell if that prick of light is a star or a planet from a single glance. She’s an astrophysicist.”

“A what?”

“She works for NASA,” Equius explained briefly. Gamzee’s face lit up like a star in the dim light of the moon.

“That’s all sorts of amazing, bro!”

“Yes, I suppose that it is. My father is probably not quite as amazing. He is a florist, but he does maintain an old movie theater in his spare time.” Gamzee gasped at that, his eyes filled with wonder and amazement. Equius found himself smiling at Gamzee’s reactions. They set him at ease in a way that neither Karkat nor Tavros did. Speaking of his beloved, Equius was reminded of another event that made him happy. He turned in his seat, facing Gamzee now instead of the stars.

“I’m sure that you know that Karkat and I are in a romantic relationship, yes?” Gamzee nodded and Equius continued. “Do you know how we started dating?” At that, he shook his head no, eyes widening just a bit more.

“Well, one day I made my affections known and he,” Equius paused, thinking through how to word it. Gamzee sat cross-legged on the floor with bated breath. He decided on the most basic explanation he could think of. “He punched me in the face so hard that he knocked me out.” Gamzee did a double take, rearing back with his mouth open in shock.

“Whoa, hold up brother. You’re gonna have to give me some background on that. What the motherfuck happened?” Gamzee asked, waving his hands around as he tried to keep his voice in a whisper.

♪♫♪♫♪

Originally, the band wasn’t comprised of Karkat, Tavros, and Equius. Technically, the band wasn’t even originally called the Bad Bull Boys. The band started out as three guys with an idea of being rockstars in high school: Tavros, Karkat, and Vivvan. They got together in Karkat’s garage – his dad didn’t really mind and his brother could honestly care less – and tried out a couple of songs. As it turned out, Tavros had a knack for songwriting and Karkat had a knack for rhythm. It probably helped that Karkat was part of the school’s drumline and he had come up with some of the cadences and cheers that were used the most during games. Tavros took some guitar lessons and sang sometimes when he felt brave enough. Vivvan had been the one who came up with the whole idea. He and Tavros lived in the same neighborhood since they were kids and Tavros liked him well enough. Tavros knew Karkat could play drums and Karkat liked Tavros well enough so he joined the band too.

Vivvan... wasn’t a fan of Karkat, but he was good at what he did so Vivvan didn’t mind it too much. He was the band’s bassist and the main singer. In his eyes, Tavros could sing well, but he lacked the confidence to apply it. Whenever this was brought up, Tavros would shrug, smile sheepishly, and agree. He wasn’t too confident in a lot of things and he didn’t mind letting Vivvan take the lead. If Karkat was opposed to it, he stayed quiet about it.

It worked out well in the beginning, but as time went on tension rose between Karkat and Vivvan. The beginning of it was most likely around the time they tried to decide on a name. Since Tavros and Vivvan’s star signs were both Taurus, Vivvan suggested that they be called the ‘Bull Boyz’. It was a fine idea, until Karkat brought up that he was a Cancer, not a Taurus.

“Fine,” Vivvan replied scathingly. “How about the ‘Bad Bull Boyz’?” On ‘bad’, he sneered at Karkat, who tapped his sticks on the drum rim, his lips pursed. Tavros literally stepped between them and agreed that it was good name, hey how about we try that song again? Vivvan shrugged noncommittedly and started strumming.

The first conflict the band had was during one of their first gigs. They played at a small, local diner and the crowd seemed to enjoy the songs, except most agreed that there was one song that sounded a little off-beat. It couldn’t be the drummer, right? He led the drumline and even musically-inclined people could tell they were always on the beat. After the band was all packed up and about to leave, Vivvan would go off on Karkat about how he was off-beat and how he screwed them all up and Karkat would shout back that he wasn’t off-beat, but that a certain bassist should learn to listen for his cues. Immediately after their set, though?

Immediately after they finished – the crowd was still cheering –, Karkat lunged off his seat and slammed his fist into a guy’s stomach. The guy went down and Karkat hissed between his teeth, “Don’t you ever lay your filthy fucking hands on her again. No means _no._ ” Karkat had watched this guy harass this girl all throughout their set and his patience had gone paper thin. Vivvan lectured him on how that wasn’t ‘appropriate’ after he shouted him down about being off-beat.

Time passed and after a year, it seemed as though the band had gotten over whatever tensions had been rising. Karkat and Vivvan didn’t fight as much, Tavros had more chances to try singing, and the band played at several local gigs. Finally, it seemed that there would be some peace.

One day about a month before a very important gig they were registered for, Karkat and Tavros were ready for practice and still waiting for Vivvan to show up. Tavros had written a song the night before and he was excited to show it to him. He had been practicing singing and playing the guitar for it nearly all night and he was nearly bouncing off the walls when his phone rang. Seeing that it was Vivvan, he picked it up immediately, mouth opening as he started to ask where he was…

“Yeah, you know what? Fuck you, fuck Karkat, fuck this whole band. I’m out.”

And then the line went dead.

“Tavros?” Karkat asked when Tavros’ smile fell. He watched as all the happiness and excitement drained out of the guitarist’s body. His shoulders slumped and Karkat could see his arm shaking from holding up the phone. “Tavros, what the fuck?” He asked again, waiting as Tavros set down the phone and licked his lips.

“That’s it. We’re done.”

“Nitram, what the fuck are you talking about? Who was that?”

“Vivvan quit,” Tavros replied, leaning on the edge of a worktable. He pressed a hand to his face, breathing in deeply. Karkat knew from being around the guy for more than a year that was the sign that he was trying not to cry. Karkat set down his drumsticks, got up, and sat down next to Tavros. The table creaked under his weight and he shifted so his weight wasn’t totally on it. He sat there for a beat and then wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him an awkward one-arm hug.

“He said ‘fuck you’ to me. To both of us,” Tavros started. Of all the things that Karkat could have said, he sniggered.

“Okay, you have to admit, I probably had that one coming. Saying that to you was rude as hell, but I probably deserved at least one ‘fuck you’ from him.” When Tavros didn’t say anything back, Karkat elbowed him in the side. “Maybe more. Hey, look. The dude was a prick. I know he was like, your best friend since you guys were kids, but people change. That guy became prick. You on the other hand,” he nudged him again and Tavros finally looked up at him. Karkat faltered a moment – talking feelings wasn’t really his thing – but he gave the guitarist a toothy grin. “You’re probably one of the best guys I know. Now let’s get our asses in gear and see if we can get a last minute bassist. Might as well try, right?”

And try they did. They biked over to the library with about five dollars in change between the two of them, printed off some flyers, and hung them up wherever they wouldn’t get fined for it. The flyers called for someone who could play bass, could learn some songs in a short amount of time, and wouldn’t mind playing in front of a bunch of people in less than a month. About a week later, they got their first response.

The guy showed up out of the blue outside Karkat’s house one day. He rang the doorbell and when Karkat’s dad responded, the guy explained why he was there. Karkat came to the door when his dad called him and started at the sight of the guy. He was about a whole head taller than Karkat with thick dreads that ended at about his shoulders. He wore a pair of shades that had a few long cracks through them, but the lenses didn’t look as if they were broken. Over his shoulder was a black bass case and he asked rather politely and quietly if he could come in. Karkat nodded, a little dumbstruck that someone actually replied to their flyers, and stepped aside so he could come in. Karkat led him over to where Tavros was lounging on the couch, chewing on a pencil as he studied some sheet music. The guy introduced himself as Equius and Karkat and Tavros introduced themselves back.

They talked a little for a while, explaining the situation they were in – though not necessarily going into detail about it. Karkat’s dad left a while after Equius joined them and he reminded Karkat that he needed to pick up his brother in an hour. Karkat groaned, but promised he’d pick him up.

“Okay, so the thing is, that we’re registered for this, uh, showcase thing?” Tavros tried to explain it, trailing off as he lost his confidence under Equius’ silent gaze.

“It’s like a battle of the bands, but less emphasis on the battling part,” Karkat picked up where Tavros left off and Equius nodded once to show that he understood. “So as much as we’d love to have you here, we still have to make sure you’re good at what you do. Understand?”

“Yes, I do. Shall I play something?” Equius asked and Karkat nodded.

“Yeah, but probably not in here.” He led them out to the garage, taking his place behind the drum set while Tavros leaned against the worktable. Once he had his bass out of its case and tuned, Karkat gestured for him to begin. He played a few chords and a small tune off the top of his head. Tavros glanced over at Karkat, shrugging, and Karkat sighed.

“Okay, thanks. That’s enough. Look, we’re kind of running out of time with this and you’re the only person who’s answered so we’re going to take you. Tavros has some copies of your part for some of our songs. Learn them and let us know when you can practice with us.” Tavros handed the sheet music to Equius as Karkat talked. Equius gave the music a once over and nodded.

“Understood. I should be ready Thursday.” He started to put away his bass and the music into the case when Karkat interrupted him.

“Next Thursday? Can’t you learn it a little sooner? That’s cutting it really fucking close to the gig.”

“What? Oh, no. You misunderstood me. I mean this Thursday.”

“This Thursday? That’s two days away. You’re going to learn all these songs by heart and be able to play them well enough so we can practice it in two days?” Karkat asked, utterly incredulous. Equius nodded. “I don’t believe it.”

♪♪♪

“I don’t believe it,” Karkat said after they finished the last song. Equius gave him a proud little half-smile, standing just a bit straighter. Tavros was grinning, excited for the first time since Vivvan left.

“I am a fast learner,” Equius replied.

“Apparently,” Karkat whistled, still impressed. Two days and Equius learned five pieces of music. Sure, there were still spots that needed a lot of improvement, but Karkat was expecting that they’d be rushing to perfect everything by the time the event came around. He checked the clock and nearly jumped off his chair. “Shit, I gotta go. Bro needs to be picked up.” Karkat rushed out the door and drove off, leaving Equius with Tavros. Tavros leaned against the worktable, wincing slightly as it creaked under him.

“To be perfectly, uh, honest, I think we sound better than we did with our last, bassist.”

“Really?” Equius replied, playing a few chords so that his hands would be busy with something.

“Yeah, uh, he was, off beat a lot of the time. He never believed that, it was him though. I have to, uh, admit, Karkat was right about him being an ass.” He explained the situation with Vivvan a little more in-depth. Equius made no move to stop him, preferring to listen to as much as Tavros wanted to say. When he brought up how they got the name, Equius did interrupt him.

“Apologies for interrupting you, but if you don’t mind, I would like to suggest a name change. Nothing too drastic of course.” Tavros gestured for him to continue. “Bad Bull Boyz,” Equius held the ‘z’ a little too long and Tavros smiled, laughing softly as he waited for him to continue. “Seems rather juvenile.”

“What would you, suggest, then?”

“Perhaps simply Bad Bull Boys? Sans the ‘Z’.”

Tavros made a soft considering noise and promised he’d talk it over with Karkat. As soon as Karkat came home with his brother in tow, Tavros mentioned Equius’ suggestion.

“Oh hell yes. Perfect. Give him a gold star for that YOU PIECE OF SHIT GIVE ME BACK MY DRUMSTICK!”

“I’ll take that as, a yes,” Tavros called as Karkat chased after his brother. “In a few years that kid’s going to be hell.”

“How old is he?” Equius asked, taking a step back as the child zoomed past them again, Karkat not far behind.

“Uh, thirteen?”

“Oh dear.”

The week before the big event Tavros brought up the piece of music he wrote before Vivvan left.

“Uh, it’s not too much. I, stopped working on it for a while, but I do have some of the lyrics finished. Do you, uh, want to hear it?” Karkat whooped and started a quiet drumroll. Equius raised a fist in the air in an effort to cheer him on. Tavros smiled gratefully and cleared his throat, singing softly.

“Toro, toro, I caught you in my line of sight. Toro, toro. You, wearing that red dress tonight.” He paused briefly, his confidence wavering slightly. When Equius noticed, he started up a soft background base tune, fitting it to the melody Tavros was singing in. Karkat joined in with a few beats, starting from the beat Equius played to. They jammed for a while and nodded for Tavros to continue. He hummed the tune again softly, his confidence rising as the other two played along. “Toro, toro. I circled you with teeth that would bite. Toro, toro. Hold on when you’re grabbing me by the horns tonight!” He sang a little more, grabbing his guitar and joining in as they worked on the song together.

The night of the big event, Tavros was a mess of nerves, Karkat couldn’t stop tapping his sticks, and Equius stood just a little straighter than usual. There were a lot more people there than any of them had expected and they would be one of the last bands to perform. Already, there were so many bands that were a lot better than them, or at least, they perceived it that way. Once they were on stage, they fell into their normal places. Tavros was out in front and to one side, Equius was behind Tavros and on the other side, and Karkat was in the back and dead center. They played some of their better songs and the crowd started up a dull roar of cheering. By the time they were about to play their last song, Equius was sure he would go deaf from the crowd cheering. Tavros raised up his hands and silently asked for silence. It was amazing to see how different he was on stage versus when Equius had first met him. His words didn’t start and stop and all that confidence he was sure he didn’t have burst to the surface the moment his feet touched the stage. In the silence, Tavros’ voice rang out, “Toro, toro.”

To Equius, the rest of that night – and even for the rest of that year – was a whirlwind of noise, faces, and he remembered only a few of the things that happened the moment Tavros finished singing. The deafening roar of the crowd, Tavros shouting back exhilarated, and Karkat nearly punching someone when they tried to hit on him. For how short he was, Karkat was bursting with rage and barely restrained violence. Equius had the sudden thought of literally picking him up and moving him away from conflict. They finally were able to go to the back and pack up their equipment, when a woman popped in next to them.

She introduced herself as Aradia, a representative from a small record company. She explained that she enjoyed their music and she thought that they had the kind of talent the company was looking for. She asked if they would like to sign on with them. Tavros and Karkat were more or less rendered speechless and Equius stepped in, taking charge. He asked if it would be possible for them to think about it. They were still mostly in high school and they could not make the decision then and there. She agreed to let them think about it with a wide grin and wished them all the best of luck.

Within the next year, Tavros and Karkat graduated high school, the band signed on with Medigo Records, and they rapidly gained popularity. Their first official concert was in a city a few hours from their shared hometown. They played in Strider Stadium in Annadale and they had the time of their lives.

About a year later, Equius realized two things: he had a romantic crush on Karkat and he would most likely get punched if he ever mentioned it. Knowing that, he decided to keep whatever feelings he had to himself. He did mention it to his parents and they agreed that keeping it to himself might be best.

And so he kept quiet. He did not pretend it didn’t exist. It did and he believed that any denial of that would make his feelings grow stronger and he wasn’t actually sure if he wanted them to. He didn’t flirt with Karkat. He only acted the same way he had been, though he may have stood a little closer and listened a little harder and he noticed there were a few times he would rest his hand on Karkat’s shoulder more than was necessary. If Karkat noticed, he made no mention of it. There were a few times where he did act on his impulse to pick the drummer up and move him from whatever fight he was about to start. He complained, of course. At least, he complained the first couple times he moved him. As time passed, Karkat seemed to accept it as something that would happen and he even seemed to relax the more Equius moved him around.

As the year went on, Karkat talked to Equius more. He seemed happy to have someone to talk to, or at least listen to the things he had to say. The first time he realized that Equius stayed up in the middle of night to look at the stars, he joined him and asked him questions about each star. Equius taught him about the constellations and the different systems for the zodiac signs based on the stars. He showed him Cancer and Sagittarius, mentioning that it was the sign he was born under. Karkat had smiled, truly, genuinely smiled and Equius cherished that smile like how he cherished every morning he woke up and saw the blue sky above his head. There was one night where he didn’t think he’d ever see that sky again and when he woke up that next morning, he couldn’t pull his eyes from the bluest sky he ever saw, not even when the nurse came to check on the bandages on his arms.

And then one day, he couldn’t stand it anymore. It was like a switch went off in his head; he simply could not stand keeping his feelings quiet. After all, it had been a year since he first noticed his feelings for Karkat. Surprisingly, they did not grow stronger. They simply were there and Equius was tired of keeping them to himself. He walked up to Karkat’s door, knocked on it, and confessed. The last thing he remembered before passing out was Karkat’s fist coming towards his face.

Equius woke up with a pounding headache and his jaw just slightly out of place. As he cracked it back in place, Tavros walked in and saw him on the floor in front of Karkat’s room.

“Jeez, what, uh, happened to you?” He asked, helping Equius to his feet.

“I merely confessed to Karkat that I had romantic feelings for him,” Equius replied, massaging his temples. Oh yes, he’d need to take some painkillers for this headache. He glanced down to Tavros where he stood with his mouth gaping open.

“Hold on, you have a crush on _Karkat?_ ”

“Yes.”

“And he knocked you on your ass.”

“So it seems.”

“How did you not expect that? The dude has punched people for, uh, way less than that.”

“I expected him to punch me. However, I did not realize he could punch that hard.” Equius walked to his room, shaking out a painkiller, studied it briefly, and shook out another one. He popped them into his mouth, swallowed them with some water, and turned back to Tavros.

“Didn’t you think that it might, pass? I mean, why tell him right away? Why not wait a while?”

“Apologies for my irritation, but I did wait. No, don’t speak until I am finished. I did not realize my feelings an hour ago. I waited a year. I waited for them to pass and they did not. I felt as though it was about time that I make my feelings known.”

“Oh, uh,” Tavros paused, running his hand through his hair. “Uh, you know that he’s asexual, right? I know you’re, uh, what was it again?”

“Pansexual.”

“Pansexual, yeah, that. He doesn’t like sex whatsoever, so, uh,” Tavros shrugged, trailing off.

“I know. My feelings are purely romantic.”

“Oh! Well, uh, does he know that?”

“I,” Equius stopped, blinking as he closed his mouth. He thought that he had said romantic, but perhaps he did not? His head was still pounding and remembering was not coming easy at the moment.

“If not, then, uh, maybe you should tell him.” Tavros grinned. Apparently, Karkat was outside, enjoying the sun while they were stopped. Equius walked outside to where Karkat was sitting under a sunny spot under a tree. He asked if he could sit with him and Karkat tensed up, his peaceful expression turning sour as he frowned at Equius. Equius waited for an answer and when he received nothing, he sat down anyways. He sat with him for a while, silent and enjoying the warmth of the sun on his back. He glanced up at the sky, feeling just a little better to see that it there were no clouds. Just a bright, sunny, blue sky. Finally, he spoke up, not quite looking at Karkat.

“About what I said—“

“Don’t you start that shit up again. Honestly, I don’t fucking buy it. Another thing: you remember I’m asexual, right? As in, I can’t fucking stand sex. I hate seeing it everywhere. Don’t have any interest in it. I know you said once that you’re pansexual so even if we somehow did date, if you’re expecting me to be happy fucking you, I’ll break your nose. Got it?” Karkat crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and leaned back against the tree, pointedly ignoring him.

“Ah, yes. I understand. But perhaps I did not make my intentions clear. My feelings for you are purely romantic.” Equius perked up a little when Karkat opened an eye and stared at him, waiting for anything more. Equius was quick to continue. “Yes, I do experience sexual attraction as well as sexual arousal in some cases, but, personally, imagining myself having sex repulses me. I do not mind seeing it or knowing that others are participating in it and all that entails, but I want no part in it.” At that, Karkat leaned away from the tree, interested now. Equius could tell by the way his shoulders relaxed he was feeling some guilt for his previous actions, but Equius also knew that the drummer wouldn’t make it known unless forced to.

“Really?” He asked, still unable to believe it.

“Nothing I have told you is a lie. Let me make it known to you that I did not wake up this morning and suddenly had these feelings. I could guess how you would react and I thought it best to wait and see if those feelings would pass. After a year, these feelings have not passed nor did they grow any stronger. They stayed as they were until I could not ignore them any longer.”

“And I punched you.”

“Yes.”

“And I knocked you out.”

“Yes.”

“And you still have those feelings even though I did knock you out?”

“Yes, it seems as though I do.”

Karkat made a considering noise, gesturing with his hands as he weighed out possibilities as he was wont to do. Eventually, he sighed and turned his body around in order to face Equius. Equius waited; he was out of words to say at this point.

“Fine. We can try this out. However,” he held up a hand before Equius could say anything. “I want to be taken out on a date. You want to be mine? Woo me. Sweep me off my goddamn feet and make me swoon. I expect to be romanced and if I experience anything less than that, I’m out. Understand?”

“As clear as the day,” Equius answered with the barest hint of a smile. Karkat nodded and leaned back against the tree, nearly falling asleep under the warm sun.

Within a few hours, Equius was waiting outside Karkat’s house, a bouquet of roses in his hand. The band had stopped in their shared hometown for a couple of days. Equius had told his parents about his date with Karkat and what he wanted to do. His father gave him the idea of the traditional dinner-and-a-movie date, but maybe with a little more pizzazz to it. So Equius tried to pizzazz it up. He left a letter for Karkat, detailing that he would meet him outside at 6 pm and to wear something ‘fancy-casual’, as he put it.

He straightened his tie and counted the number of roses in his bouquet. Twenty red roses, just as planned. Karkat had mentioned once that the number of roses was important to get the meaning across. Unless you’re trying to convey that you’re grateful for someone being around you, you don’t get eight roses for the hell of it. Equius searched number meanings and picked the number of roses that best suited exactly what he wanted to convey. He was just about to check the time when the door opened to reveal Karkat. Equius perked up and smiled warmly. Karkat looked rather nice wearing that red dress shirt. He raised up the card Equius left him and he walked up to the front door, holding out the roses. At the sight of the roses, his eyes widened and even in the light that trickled from inside Equius could see his cheeks turning faintly red. He recovered quickly and returned to his house, most likely to put the roses in some water until they returned from their date.

As Karkat walked out, Equius held out his arm for him to take. He glanced at it briefly and eventually took the arm with a roll of his eyes. Equius led him down to his car, opened the door for him, and got in on the other side and drove off to the restaurant. Karkat asked exactly how he was planning to sweep him off his feet, but Equius pulled a finger to his lips and smiled. Karkat huffed and settled back into the car seat, watching the city go by.

They arrived at their destination, one of the fancier places in the city: Emperor’s Table. As Karkat stepped out of the car, he shot Equius an incredulous look, to which he simply shrugged and offered his arm again. Karkat took it and allowed him to lead up to the doors. There was a decent line and Karkat frowned at it, not happy with the thought of waiting. But Equius led him past the line and right up to the hostess. She glanced up from the seating chart and was about to tell them there was a wait, when Equius spoke up.

“We have a reservation. Under Zahhak?” He stated calmly. She glanced at her list and nodded, beckoning over a waitress. The waitress smiled brightly and led the two to their table which sat near the back by the windows that faced out to the street. She took their drink orders and left them alone.

As soon as she was gone, Karkat burst out with, “You got us reservations? Here?” Equius nodded and Karkat leaned back, impressed. “It’s impossible to get a reservation here. How the hell did you manage that?”

“The owner’s daughter is a huge fan of the band. All I had to do was give him an autographed CD and he helped make the reservation,” Equius shrugged and Karkat snickered.

“Fame has its perks, huh?”

Their dinner went smoothly. Karkat greatly enjoyed his meal and somehow managed to eat the entire slab of steak he ordered. Equius was taking his time with his vegetables, but he was too full to finish it off.

“So, are we going to get some dessert?” Karkat asked with a mischievous grin, laughing when Equius groaned. “Should I take that as a no?”

“You finished off your entire order. I nearly expected you to lick your plate clean.”

Karkat grinned widely, lifting his plate to his mouth.

“Don’t you dare!”

“Oh, I dare,” he snickered as he licked the plate. He set it down right as the waitress came back with their receipt. Equius thanked her and paid for the meal, leaving behind a rather large tip for her. “That was pretty good and I’m definitely feeling pretty wooed, but not as much as I had hoped for.”

“Oh, well that might be because this date is not over with. I still have one more thing for you.” Karkat blinked, curious as to what it might be, but Equius refused to tell him anything more. Once in the car, Equius drove them back closer to home, eventually stopping in front of an old-style movie theater. Karkat tilted his head up as he stared up at it. Equius led him inside with a smile and up to the ticket counter. A man smiled from behind the glass and passed them two tickets without being prompted. They walked inside and up to the concessions counter and the man was there again, offering them a little bit of popcorn. Karkat took the box from him, suddenly recognizing him as Equius’ dad. Was this the theater he maintained? Karkat had never been in here, but it looked to be in very good shape.

Equius let Karkat pick the seats and they settled down right in the middle of the seats. Karkat popped popcorn into his mouth as if he hadn’t just eaten dinner and turned to Equius.

“What movie’s playing?”

“You’ll see,” Equius replied, motioning at the blank screen. The lights dimmed and the screen flickered to life. No commercials played, just the beginning of the movie and Karkat nearly dropped his popcorn in shock. The woman on screen recited lines from a poem and Karkat could hear the lines so clearly in his head and he couldn’t help but laugh happily. Equius glanced at Karkat’s face as he watched the movie that held a special place in his heart. It was the drummer’s all-time favorite romance movie and his face was all lit up in a wondrous light. By the end of the movie, Karkat had his head resting on Equius’ shoulder, his arms wrapped around his arm tightly, and his mouth moving as he mouthed the final lines between the two lovers. The credits began to roll and Karkat squeezed Equius’ arm.

“Best goddamn date ever. Consider me romanced.”

♪♫♪♫♪

Equius concluded his story with a smile. Gamzee sat on the floor with the biggest smile he had seen on a person before.

“Motherfucker, that was all kinds of great! I didn’t know that was how the band started! I knew that you guys signed on with Medigo Records and how that happened, but nothing like that! That’s fucking miracles right there, bro.”

“Yeah, miracles of a sort,” Equius replied, glancing out the window. At some point during the story, Shanahan stopped the bus and was snoring away on the other couch. Equius could feel sleep pulling at his eyes and, when he looked back at Gamzee, he was yawning widely. “I believe that it would be best for both of us to get whatever sleep we can before tomorrow. Shanahan will most likely be out for another three hours and then keep driving.” Gamzee yawned again in agreement and stumbled over to Tavros’ room again. Equius watched him go, glancing once more out the window and up at the inky, blue sky.


	4. Home

A couple hours later, Shanahan blinked open his eyes, stared at the ceiling for few brief moments before heaving his body off the couch. He stumbled over to the bathroom, relieved himself, and splashed water in his face in an effort to wake up enough to drive. He liked being on the road as much as Karkat did and he was glad that the band as a whole liked to stop places and stay for more than a couple days. It usually meant that he didn’t need to drive their asses around everywhere and he could get more than a couple hours of sleep every night. As he settled behind the wheel, he could hear Feferi yelling incessantly in his ear about how he should take more breaks and driving through the night wasn’t a healthy lifestyle and blah blah blah, god, that girl could talk. He rubbed his eyes, rolled his shoulders, and brought the bus to life.

He checked how much gas they had left, readjusted his mirrors, and turned the radio on low, his fingers tapping to the rhythm as he pulled away from the side of the road. It was about 6 am and the roads were mostly empty. Shanahan didn’t care for driving down the interstate; too motherfucking boring for his tired as hell mind. He took country roads as much as he could and he still managed to arrive on time for whatever event the band had to get to. It wasn’t the most luxurious job and Karkat annoyed the hell out of him, but he enjoyed it well enough. It kept him away from home and that was definitely a motherfucking highlight. He yawned, eyes still on the road, and he wondered how long Equius and… ugh, fuck, what was the new kid’s name? Gam-something? Ugh, whatever, he’d learn it soon enough. He wondered how long they were talking. He stopped the bus a couple minutes after they started talking and crashed on the couch. They weren’t talking when he woke up, though it looked like Equius hadn’t gone back to his room after they were done. Oh well, he didn’t care. The dude could sleep anywhere. He’d once found him on the floor and he had to toss him on the couch so he wouldn’t trip over him in the middle of the night.

Shanahan yawned again, wishing for a good cup of coffee, when he caught sight of the sign. All he got was a brief glance, but he could recognize that sign even if he was blind in one eye. All thanks to the coffee-loving gods. With a smile spreading across his face, he pulled over and put the bus in park, and shifted out of his seat. He passed by a sleeping Equius and left him be. He rapped his knuckles on Tavros’ door. He thought he heard someone groan, but there was no other answer. He shrugged and went on to Karkat’s door, knocking even louder. _That_ got him an answer. An answer in the form of Karkat throwing off his sheets, stomping up to the door, and opening it as he yelled, “Exactly what the fuck do you want? Don’t you know what goddamn time it is?”

Shanahan blinked at the drummer, utterly unfazed. Karkat glared back and crossed his arms over his chest as he waited. Shanahan’s grin returned as he leaned down and simply asked, “Wanna go to Mama Clara’s?” At the mere mention of Mama Clara’s, Karkat’s entire demeanor changed. He got the biggest grin on his fucking face and Shanahan laughed loudly, waving a hand as he went back to the wheel. Mama Clara’s it was.

Karkat slammed open Tavros’ door, no care for whatever he might be interrupting.

“Nitram, get your ass up and out of bed! We’re going to Mama Clara’s!” He shouted before slamming the door shut. Tavros sat up, yawning widely as he processed whatever Karkat yelled. Gamzee groaned next to him, murmuring something about needing a few more minutes. When Tavros finally pieced together what his bandmate said, he jumped out of bed, just as excited as Karkat, and all but ripped off his sleeping clothes. Gamzee reached for Tavros, found nothing but the sheets, and sat up with a yawn.

“What’s going on, bro?” He asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Tavros either didn’t answer him or he completely missed the answer as he yawned again. He was about to ask again when a pair of pants hit him in the face.

“Whoops, sorry, Gamzee,” Tavros apologized and smiled sheepishly. “I’m just a little, excited, I guess.”

“What’s to be excited about at whatever the fuck time it is?”

“Unlimited pancakes,” Tavros replied with a huge grin. Gamzee blinked and squinted, not understanding. “Now put on some pants. We have places to be!” And with that, Tavros grabbed a jacket and left the room. Gamzee felt the bus start up again and he stumbled out of bed, yawning as he did what he was told to do. He grabbed the first shirt he found in his bag, dressed, and walked out into the main area. He scanned the room and he had to pause for a moment to process exactly what he was seeing.

Tavros was obviously excited about something; he was still grinning as he leaned against the side of the bus and he waved when he saw Gamzee. Karkat was nearly bouncing off the walls with a huge smile on his face and Equius was somehow still passed out on the couch. Gamzee walked over to Tavros, still tired and still not sure what was happening. As he took his place next to the singer, Tavros wrapped an arm around his waist and he tensed up for a second before leaning against Tavros. Karkat glanced at them and paused his pacing as he looked up and down Gamzee.

“Nice shirt,” he called before running to the front of the bus to ask Shanahan how much longer it would be until they reached their destination. Gamzee scrunched up his face, his tired brain not following what Karkat said. He glanced down at his shirt and – oh. Oh _shit._

“Mother _fuck_ ,” he groaned as he pressed his hands to his face, embarrassed as all hell. The shirt he grabbed without looking was one of the band’s early t-shirt designs – the one with their faces plastered all fucking over it too – and it was obviously well worn. Why did he have to grab _this_ one? “Just fucking throw me out the window please,” he muttered, his voice muffled from his hands.

“I, uh, think you look pretty, cute, to be honest,” Tavros said, his grip tightening around Gamzee’s waist. Gamzee groaned in reply. Soon enough, Karkat came speeding back over and shook Equius awake. The drummer looked to be nearly vibrating with excitement and it left Gamzee all sorts of confused. This was not the drummer he was used to seeing at all and, honestly, it made Gamzee feel a little less nervous around him. He still got the feeling that Karkat didn’t like him, but he felt that maybe Karkat was more approachable now.

“Tavros! Get your goddamn ass over here! We’re here!” Karkat yelled as he jumped off the bus. Equius yawned and followed his boyfriend out, shaking his head once or twice to wake up. Tavros nudged Gamzee and they walked off the bus together, Tavros’ arm slipping from his waist once they were outside. Gamzee swallowed a whine at the loss of Tav’s arm and looked up to see… what looked to be nothing more than a local family restaurant.

Gamzee stopped in his tracks and blinked. This… was honestly not what he was expecting. After Tavros said ‘unlimited pancakes’, Gamzee assumed that they were going to some sort of breakfast place, but he honestly expected something maybe a little fancier. The restaurant looked small – it was part of a bunch of stores that were all connected in a line – and it had a simple, wooden sign out front. The sign read “Mama Clara’s Family Restaurant”. He made a soft ‘huh’ noise and followed the band in.

There was no surprise fancy décor, no polished, gleaming countertops, and Gamzee felt immediately at home. That might have been the one thing that surprised him the most: the fact that the moment he walked through the doors, he relaxed. He felt welcomed and it might have helped that the only waitress there turned around and smiled one of the happiest smiles he’d ever seen someone smile before. It wasn’t even one of those fake costumer service smiles either; that was a motherfucking genuine smile.

“Welcome back! You know how empty it is at this time of day, so pick any table you want! I’ll be right over soon enough,” the woman called brightly, setting down a tray of some of the thickest pancakes Gamzee had ever seen in front of a very excited child. The plate had barely touched the table before the child dove right in, the parent dropping their fork to try to make their child slow down. The scene made him smile as the band dragged him over to one of the larger tables. Equius and Karkat sat together on one side, him and Tavros on the other, and Shanahan dragged over a whole other table and sat down next to Gamzee. The man was very close and Gamzee felt all sorts of nervous and intimidated until he cracked a joke. Karkat glared at the bus driver for the pun and Shanahan slapped his knee and laughed so loud that Gamzee was sure he could feel it through his chair. Shanahan told a couple more jokes while everyone looked over the menus and, eventually, Gamzee was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. Soon enough, the waitress came over to take the group’s orders.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you guys around here. I see that we have a new friend too.” She winked at Gamzee and he smiled back. “Introductions then on my part! My name is Carmella. I’ll be your waitress for today and if you need anything, just give me a shout. Now, does anyone have any questions about our menu today?”

“Yes, I was wondering about your coffee of the day?” Equius asked, stopping mid-sentence to yawn. Carmella giggled.

“You’re in for a treat! We have blueberry cinnamon vanilla today and it’s definitely one of my favorites.”

“I suppose I will have a pot of that, please.”

“Great! And the rest of the drink orders?” She scribbled down everyone’s drink preference and smiled the next time she looked up. “Are you ready to order your food as well?”

Gamzee opened his mouth to ask for another minute, but Karkat launched in with his own order. Gamzee hunched up and looked down at his menu as everyone listed off their orders.

“Combo three.”

“Blueberry Cheesecake French Toast and two eggs for me, please. Scrambled.”

“Combo six, both bacon and sausage.”

“Unlimited pancakes!” Tavros finished with a grin.

“Alright, alright, I think I got everything. Oh! Shanahan, there’s been a change to combo six. You now have a choice between a pancake, some French toast, or a serving of biscuits and gravy. That part’s new.”

“Biscuits and gravy then. And can I get a couple of those delicious donuts you guys got here?”

“B and G it is and an order of donuts. And, oh, you haven’t ordered yet,” Carmella trailed off, looking down expectantly at Gamzee. He hunched a little further down in his chair, staring blankly at his menu. Carmella seemed to get the hint and tapped him on the shoulder. “I can give you some more time if you need it. Just shout for me when you’re ready!” She smiled gently and spun around, greeting a small group of elderly people.

Gamzee pulled the menu up in front of his face when the rest of the band looked at him and he pretended to still be reading the menu. The truth was that he didn’t know what he wanted. Everything sounded so good and he never really had half of the stuff on the menu before. Not just the super specific things. More like half the stuff in general. His breakfasts usually contained some toast, maybe an egg, or something really sweet and cheap and not nutritious whatsoever. Sometimes he was able to get some cereal and milk, but things like that didn’t really happen too often. Now that he was confronted with a bunch of things he didn’t know if he liked or not, he couldn’t choose on a single thing.

“Uh, Gamzee?” Tavros started and Gamzee peeked out from behind the menu he was obviously not reading. “Do you have an idea of what, you want?”

“Can’t make a motherfucking decision, bro. Everything sounds so good and I don’t really…” he trailed off, chewing his lip. He didn’t want to say how he’d never had pancakes or the like before.

“You fucking numbskull,” Karkat sighed and reached over to lay Gamzee’s menu flat. He opened up one of the flaps and directed Gamzee’s attention to a small section. “You can get a sample platter. It’s so that people like you who can’t fucking decide can get a taste of their basic menu. It’s a lot of food, but you honestly look like a goddamn skeleton so a big meal might be good for you.” He sat back and crossed his arms. Gamzee blinked, not sure if that was an insult or something well meant. By the looks of it, no one else could tell either. He scanned the choices for the sample platter and decided that he’d get the one with waffles and bacon. He was sure that Tavros wouldn’t mind if he took a pancake to try it.

Soon enough, Carmella bounced over again, set down their drinks, took Gamzee’s order, and left them to their own devices. The band talked about plans for the day and where people needed to be at what times. Shanahan’s phone screamed once and he mentioned that Feferi and Nepeta would be in the area in a few hours. Gamzee asked why his phone screamed like that.

“Goat scream ringtone. It’s the only thing I’m not getting tired of anytime soon.”

After a while, their food came out and they had to reorganize where everyone was sitting to fit all the plates on the tables within their respective owner’s reach. Gamzee stared at it all in amazement; there was so much food! He could barely see the table underneath it all! While the rest of the group dug into their food, Gamzee just couldn’t stop staring at it all. It probably wasn’t anything fancy, but there was just _so much_ of it that he couldn’t help but sit back in awe. Tavros’ pancakes were huge and fluffy and he completely drenched them in syrup. Karkat’s breakfast looked similar to his, but instead of scrambled eggs, he had a big, colorful omelet on his plate. Gamzee’s mouth watered as his gaze passed over Equius’ French toast and when he glanced up, he caught Equius’ smile before he took a sip of his coffee. Speaking of coffee, even though Gamzee couldn’t stand the stuff it smelled so good. Maybe he’d try a little if Equius let him. Next to him, Shanahan had a plate covered in bacon, sausage, potatoes, and a small pile of sugary sweet donuts. At the moment, he was working on a plate with three big biscuits smothered in thick, white gravy. Gamzee couldn’t help but stare, almost completely forgetting his food. Shanahan saw him staring and moved his plate closer.

“You look like you’re wanting a bite, kid. Go on and take a motherfucking bite, then.” Shanahan nodded, reaching to his other plate to grab one of the donuts. Gamzee blinked, but he grabbed his fork and cut off a small piece of biscuit. He looked up at Shanahan once to confirm that it was okay and popped the piece into his mouth. His eyes went wide as the biscuit piece made its home in his mouth. It was flaky and buttery and so soft and the _gravy_ was so smooth and salty and warm Gamzee had to sit back and enjoy it.

“Good, huh?” Shanahan chuckled at the kid’s expression and Gamzee licked his lips and smiled back.

“Best damn thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“You should, uh, try the pancakes. Bet they would, blow your mind,” Tavros said, nudging Gamzee with his elbow as he waggled his eyebrows. He pushed his plate within reach and Gamzee cut off another small bite. Even though it was drenched in syrup, it wasn’t soaked through yet. It was fluffy and thick and it melted in his mouth and Gamzee hummed pleasantly.

“Motherfucking miracles,” he sighed, sitting back in his chair. Karkat snickered and pointed at Gamzee’s plate with his fork.

“You’ve got a big pile of food there, you numbskull. Better eat it instead of stealing from us.” Karkat smiled, but when he saw Gamzee deflating, his smile dropped. Shanahan picked up on the mood change and slammed his hand down. Gamzee jumped about an inch off his chair and some of the customers glanced warily at the group.

“Excuse _you_ , he stole nothing,” Shanahan hissed, winking at Karkat. In turn, the drummer glared, but there was a twinkle in his eye. Oh yeah, he’d play along. “We offered, unlike _some people_!”

“Our plates are basically the same!” Karkat shot back. Gamzee watched them argue, pretty worried and pretty motherfucking confused. No one else seemed too perturbed by their outburst; most people seemed to just be ignoring them after Shanahan’s first shout. Hell, he could see Carmella standing off to the side with her hand over her mouth as she covered her laughter. He looked back at Shanahan and Karkat, catching Karkat shoving half his omelet in his mouth while Shanahan nearly choked on a donut.

“Hey, uh, don’t worry,” Tavros leaned in, his voice low and quiet in Gamzee’s ear. “They do this almost, every time we come here. I think they’re just, uh, trying to make you feel welcomed.” Tavros paused right as Karkat glanced at them. Shanahan clicked his tongue and hissed something extremely vulgar. Karkat gasped loudly, mock-affronted, and Tavros added, “In their own ways.”

With that thought in mind, Gamzee noticed exactly what Tavros meant. He did feel a little more comfortable around the group. For a while, he even forgot that they were this big, famous band. Shanahan told his jokes – some of them were downright nasty –, Karkat hissed and spluttered, Equius watched it all mostly silent with this small smile, and Tavros shot back his own comments while he shoved pancakes into his mouth. Gamzee listened and laughed and enjoyed everyone’s company while he dug into his own food. They must have been there for almost two hours and Gamzee couldn’t finish off all of his food thanks to the band sharing their food with him. They packed up whatever food was left in take home boxes. Carmella took back their empty plates and left the bill, which they all chipped in to pay for. Gamzee added some of his own money to the pile. They gathered their belongings up, left a very large tip on the table, and left the restaurants with loud goodbyes and thanks for the meal.

The group dropped off their food in the bus and decided to go walking around the city. Shanahan took the bus off to a parking deck, telling them to meet back there later that night so they could go to dinner. As they explored the city, Equius and Karkat walked side by side holding hands while Gamzee hung back with Tavros. It wasn’t huge and the area they were in wasn’t super busy and Gamzee honestly kept forgetting how big the city was a little further down the way. It was nice and Gamzee could lean on Tavros and he tried for holding his boyfriend’s hand once or twice. Every time he tried, though, Tavros pulled his hand out of Gamzee’s grip. At first, Gamzee was confused, but maybe Tav didn’t like holding hands? But it was kind of weird how Tavros would stand a few inches away from him when a bunch of people would pass by. Finally, after about the fifth time of this happening, Gamzee pulled Tavros aside.

“Bro, what the fuck? Why do you keep pulling away from me?” He asked, ignoring how whiny his voice sounded. Tavros opened his mouth, but nothing really came out. It honestly looked like he was searching for some kind of explanation and Gamzee felt his insides go tight with worry.

“Dude, chill the fuck out.”

Gamzee turned at the sound of Karkat’s voice. He had a hand on his hip and a rather irritated expression on his face. Gamzee chewed his lips while he waited for an actual explanation.

“Look, people know us. We’re fucking famous. You? You’re not. Hey, no, don’t give me that look. I didn’t mean it like—fuck. Dude, listen,” his voice dropped to a whisper and he stepped closer so only their group could hear him. Equius was looking around, standing in the way of anyone’s gaze if they tried looking over at them. “Everyone knows that Equius and I are a couple. We can do whatever PDA we like as long as we don’t give a bad impression. The issue with you and Tavros showing the same amount of PDA is that we don’t know what will happen.

“There’s likely to be a lot of paparazzi around and to most people’s knowledge, you two aren’t dating. I’m pretty sure a lot of people know he’s bi as fuck, but no one knows who the fuck you are and there could be some serious backlash and—“

“We’re worried,” Equius finished for him. Karkat started to say something else, but dropped the subject. It seemed like he got his point across. Gamzee’s eyes went wide at the mention of ‘backlash’ and he nodded.

“Got it, brother.”

“And, uh,” Tavros began, dropping an arm over Gamzee’s shoulders in more of a ‘bro’ sort of way. “It’s really only for when, we’re out in public. I promise I’ll, uh, make it up to you when we get some alone time, and,” Karkat groaned and held his hands in front of his face.

“What did I just fucking say?”

Gamzee flinched back, but Tavros started laughing and grinned widely. He waggled his eyebrows and Karkat shoved him – and Gamzee – backward.

“You’re fucking disgusting.”

“Aw, I love you too Karkat.”

After a few more shoves and suggestive brow wiggling, they started walking again. Tavros stayed a couple inches from Gamzee for most of the time, and while Gamzee felt kind of sad about it, he understood the reasoning behind their decision. He hadn’t thought about what people would think about him dating Tavros. Karkat was right. They were famous and he was not and he remembered the first time Karkat made it public that not only was he not straight, he wasn’t into sex at all. Gamzee remembered that video. Fortunately, he wasn’t into Karkat like that at all, even back then, but a lot of the fans who were said a lot of nasty shit about it. A lot of heartbroken girls, but apparently one of the fans said that there was always fan fiction.

_God,_ the video Karkat made in response to that comment was hell. He told the girl off and told her that real people where not fictional characters. You couldn’t choose headcanons for them, you couldn’t ship whoever you wanted with them, and it all came down to the last statement he made about it: _“I am not a toy you can play make-believe with. I am a real person with real feelings and a real life. I am also not an idol you can put on a high pedestal and pretend that I’m perfect and without any faults. Stop treating us like porcelain dolls. We are made of flesh and blood just like you.”_

If there was that much backlash for one of the members coming out as asexual, how much would there be if people found out about him and Tavros? He felt his stomach churn just thinking about it. Gamzee was so busy thinking about this that he didn’t notice that they stopped until he walked into Equius. As he mumbled an apology, he noticed Tavros looking at some big poster on a bus stop shelter. There was some action scene going on, but Gamzee really couldn’t make sense of it.

“Hey, Equius!” Tavros called. Equius hummed in response, looking through his phone. “What was the name of that graphic novelist you like so much?”

“Sckech Vermer?” He asked, not looking up.

“Yeah, her. Uh, it looks like she’s doing a book signing at the library.”

“Excuse me?” At that, he looked up and Tavros beckoned him over to the poster. He studied it and Gamzee noticed that he started bouncing on his heels, now rapidly going through his phone. Gamzee thought he overheard him say something about a bus coming by soon. Karkat stepped up next to Gamzee, his own phone out. He seemed to find something interesting because he made a considering noise.

“Hey dickmunch,” Karkat called and both Tavros and Equius turned to him. He didn’t look up from his phone – he was reading something. “Apparently she did a collab with your favorite comic book artist,” he started, pointing at Tavros. “And they’re going to be giving away some copies of it in…” Karkat squinted at the words on his phone. “Half an hour?” Gamzee looked from Karkat to Tavros and back. Equius was bouncing around more obviously, inching away from the rest of the group.

“We can get there in twenty if we hurry. There’s a bus coming down the street.” Equius was reaching for Tavros’ arm, but Tavros looked back at Karkat and Gamzee.

“Uh…” he trailed off, looking at his boyfriend. Gamzee honestly had no idea what was happening other than there was a possibility that Tavros was leaving and he wasn’t going with.

“Go on ahead of us,” Karkat said, waving them off. “Gamzee doesn’t know his way around here and we’ll only slow you down. You two go have fun. I’ll take Gamzee to my dad’s shop. That all right?” Karkat asked, glancing down at Gamzee. Gamzee looked unsure and Equius was inching a little further away with each passing second, obviously anxious to leave.

“There will be baked goods,” Karkat added and Gamzee’s eyes lit the fuck up.

“Yeah, bro, go on ahead. I’ll hang with Karkat for a bit, okay?” Gamzee smiled and Tavros grinned, nodding.

“Tavros, we’re going to miss the bus!” Equius said hurriedly and Tavros let him take his arm, waving goodbye to Gamzee, and they ran for the next bus stop. As soon as they disappeared from view, Karkat snickered into his hand.

“God damn, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Equius run that fast. But hey, if my favorite author was giving away free books, I’d run too.” Karkat glanced at Gamzee. The guy wasn’t quite looking at him and Karkat had an idea of why. Actually, it was several reasons and that was why he shooed off the other two. He wanted to talk to Gamzee alone.

“Hey, come on. My dad’s store isn’t too far from here,” Karkat tugged Gamzee along until he fell into step with him. It really didn’t take too long to walk there—it was only about a fifteen minute walk—but it seemed a lot longer because Gamzee _wouldn’t talk._ Not that Karkat really tried to make conversation, but this was much more awkward than Karkat expected. He only hoped that by the time they actually got into the shop, Gamzee would perk up a little more.

Soon enough, Karkat saw the sign and he pointed it out to Gamzee. As they got closer, Gamzee finally spoke up.

“I thought you said there were going to be sweets, bro?” Gamzee asked, pointing at the sign. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this says ‘Airplay Sports’. What do sports got to do with sweets?”

“Basically nothing at all,” Karkat replied. “Unless you score a _sweet_ goal.” He looked at Gamzee, hoping for at least some kind of laugh, but Gamzee just groaned and shoved him aside.

“Dude, that was bad and you know it.”

Karkat shrugged and led Gamzee inside. As soon as he entered, Karkat breathed a sigh of relief. This was one of his favorite places in the whole city for the simple fact that every time he walked in, he felt like he was transported somewhere else. The store looked like it should be a place you would find in a much smaller town and not a big, bustling city. The inside of the store was painted in warm, welcoming colors and more than kites hung from the ceiling. Fairy lights, stars, and the random bird sculpture dangled above patrons, but the kites were definitely the favorite decoration. There was an entire wall dedicated to disc golf and all the discs you could possibly want in every color in the rainbow. Along every other wall, though, were paintings and drawings made by local artists.

The scent of fresh baked bread, scones, and coffee mixed in with the chatter of the patrons and Karkat glanced at Gamzee who stood in open-mouthed awe of the place he was in. Karkat almost laughed at his expression; sensory overload was the best description for it. In fact, he did laugh and Gamzee made almost no sign that he even noticed. It made some of the tension between them relax and Karkat smiled. God, this place felt like home to him.

“Hey Karkat!” A high, feminine voice came from behind the counter. When he turned, he saw the girl working waving with a huge smile on her face. “Long time no see! I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Hey Tennya. How’s everything going?” He asked as she leaned over the counter. She shrugged and didn’t say a word, her gaze focused on Gamzee.

“Who’s the guy? I’ve never seen him before.”

“Friend of mine,” Karkat answered quickly, but Tennya didn’t seem to notice. She waved hi at Gamzee and asked the two what they wanted. “I’ll take my usual. Actually, wait. Give me a Nutcracker and—“

“Let me guess. An extra shot of espresso?” Tennya asked and laughed when he nodded. “I know you too well Karkat.”

“You know my coffee order too well,” he shot back.

“Same thing. Anything sweet for you?”

“Just give me one of those cookies,” Karkat replied. “Hey, you want anything?” he asked, nudging Gamzee. Gamzee turned to the menu and made a face.

“I’m not too big on coffee, Karkat. You guys got anything else?” Tennya listed off their other drink choices, but when she mentioned hot chocolate, his eyes lit up like a ball of fire. She added that to their order and Gamzee spent a good three minutes choosing a scone to order. It almost took longer, but another worker walked in from a back room with a plate of steaming scones. Tennya saw Gamzee eying the freshly baked ones and she asked if she should just write in one of those for him.

“They’re filled to the brim with sweet oranges and tart raspberries with a good helping of icing on top!” She explained when he asked what flavor they were. With stars in his eyes, she added that to their order. Karkat paid for the food and they sat down at a table across from the espresso bar. Gamzee was already digging into the huge scone and Karkat watched for a bit. Tennya brought their drinks a few minutes later and left with a wink at Gamzee. He watched her leave and gave Karkat a confused look.

“Don’t mind her. She’s kind of just a flirt with everyone. I don’t think her boyfriend minds all that much.” Karkat shrugged and sipped his drink. Gamzee made a ‘huh’ noise and went back to his scone. Silence stretched between them as Karkat searched for something to talk about and Gamzee tried not to talk in case Karkat went off on him. Eventually, Karkat got tired of sitting quietly—it was getting too fucking awkward for him—and he cleared his throat.

“Look, I think you and I got off on the wrong foot,” Karkat started and Gamzee snorted.

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Gamzee muttered, not expecting Karkat to hear him. He did hear him.

“Yeah, that’s apparently how it goes with anyone I meet. Your first impression of me was probably not… positive and I really don’t think I’ve done anything to change it for the better. However,” Karkat paused, looking around the store. There really weren’t that many people sitting around and it looked like no one was listening to their conversation.

“However,” he began again. “Since it looks like neither you nor Tavros are going to let go of each other for more than a couple minutes, we’re probably going to be around each other more often. I’d rather not be antagonistic towards anyone who’s part of the band in any way, shape, or form. I’m sure you understand?”

“Yeah, I got you,” Gamzee replied, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“So I guess you could say this is me trying again. Turning over a new leaf, starting anew, etc., etc. I’ll try to be less of an ass—“

“Like that’s gonna happen,” the other worker mumbled as he passed.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Paeler!” Karkat shouted back and Paeler made a ‘blah blah blah’ gesture with his hand as a very exasperated expression spread across his face. Gamzee found the entire exchange very funny and snickered into his drink. Karkat gestured back something vulgar and Tennya had to pull Paeler aside before anything worse happened.

“Don’t worry about a thing, brother. I’m glad that you’re tryin’ though. Makes me feel a little more comfortable to be perfectly motherfucking honest,” Gamzee added, his voice dropping to a quiet tone. Karkat glanced back at him—Gamzee was staring into his drink, a small smile on his face—and Karkat made a noise of agreement back.

“Hey, Karkat?” Gamzee asked after a while. Karkat looked up from his phone, waiting.

“How long do you think Equius and Tavros are gonna be? I know you said their event was happening in half an hour, but that was over an hour ago. How long do these kinds of things take?”

“Huh? Oh, that? Yeah, that might be ending soon. It actually started an hour ago. I just told them in half an hour so they’d actually have a chance to get in the line before it went out the door.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s real motherfucking sneaky of you,” Gamzee replied, grinning ear to ear.

“I try my best.”

Once they finished their food, they left the store and headed towards the library. It looked like Equius and Tavros were done with their event and were just chilling in some chairs and reading their new books. They all would meet up there and then decide what to do next. As Gamzee and Karkat were walking to the library, Gamzee asked about Karkat’s favorite book and the drummer went on an entire speech about his favorite book series. He explained the plot, the characters, the symbols and what everything could possibly mean, and Gamzee just kept asking questions about it to keep him talking. Gamzee didn’t mind hearing him speak. It was a nice way to pass the time while they walked.

When they arrived at the library, Gamzee craned his neck back trying to see the gargoyles on the top of the roof. Fuck, that was high. He didn’t go to Annadale’s library that much, but he didn’t think it was as tall as this one. Thankfully, Karkat led the way. It wasn’t crowded, even with the event going on, but Gamzee followed close behind anyways. He was afraid he’d get lost if he wasn’t careful. Soon enough they found Equius and Tavros. Equius raised a hand in greeting and closed his book. Tavros, on the other hand, all but had his nose buried in his book. Gamzee smiled warmly in his direction. Tavros looked so excited for whatever was happening in the story and Gamzee didn’t want to interrupt the singer. Instead, Equius snapped him out of it and Tavros finally noticed Karkat and Gamzee.

Tavros got to his feet and asked Gamzee how his time with Karkat went. Gamzee described it for a bit and Karkat interjected several times until Equius pulled him away from their conversation. Tavros showed Gamzee the book he got and explained the story and the plot after Gamzee asked about it. He took him to where the whole series sat in the library. It all sounded pretty motherfucking interesting to Gamzee and he picked out the first in the series. Almost immediately he was drawn into it. It was a graphic novel with intricate details worked each character. It took Gamzee a while to finish it, but by the time he did there was a stack of the next books in the series already lined up and waiting. Tavros grinned sheepishly and Gamzee smiled back, starting on the next one.

As Gamzee read, there were a couple people who came up to Tavros to ask for his autograph and maybe some pictures. The librarian told them that if they wanted to take pictures to do it outside. Tavros looked at Gamzee, but he waved his boyfriend off. He understood if Tavros left; he was busy reading anyways. Tavros smiled and squeezed Gamzee’s shoulder before taking off for a while. By the time Gamzee was starting on the last book in the stack, Tavros returned and collapsed in the chair next to Gamzee.

“Tired, Tavbro?”

“Yeah, sorry that, took so long. A bunch of people saw us taking pictures and they lined up as well. I couldn’t, really tell them no, but I finally was able to sneak back inside. Looks like Equius and Karkat got out, before people tried taking pictures of them too,” Tavros explained leaning back against the chair and closing his eyes. He looked ready for a nap and Gamzee was feeling a little lethargic too.

“Hard being famous, huh?”

“Sometimes yeah.”

Gamzee watched Tavros silently for a while, pretending to read while he kept his eyes on the way Tavros breathed and while he began to doze. That was, until his stomach growled rather loudly.

“Ugh, shit. It’s way past lunch isn’t it?” Tavros asked, rubbing his stomach. “You, uh, want to go find a place to eat really quick?”

Gamzee nodded. They quickly put the books back in their places and left the library. They discussed the series and the oddly warm day and what they should try to eat. They finally decided on a little chain restaurant that served burgers and milkshakes. They talked and laughed and Gamzee cracked some really lame jokes. The food wasn’t amazing, but it was warm and filling and Gamzee was having the time of his life. They still had a couple hours before they had to meet up with the rest of the group for dinner so Gamzee and Tavros ran across the street to a movie theater. When they got there, they scanned the movie listings and decided on a movie that was supposed to have utterly terrible writing, but amazing special effects.

Unfortunately, they arrived right during the middle of one of the showings. It would be another hour until the next showing, but they really had nothing else to do. They hung out in a back room that was full of arcade games and waited there until the next showing. A few hours later and they left the theater laughing about how terrible the movie was. Tavros hiked up the collar of his sweater to hide darkening mark on his neck.

♪♫♪♫♪

Gamzee was so pumped! Tonight was going to be awesome; he was sure of it! The band was going to a snazzy restaurant – at least, snazzy in his opinion – and end one of the best days Gamzee had in his entire life! It wasn’t as high up there as was the night he got to meet the band, but it was definitely up there. He was so glad he brought something at least a little fancy to wear. He didn’t want to feel too much like the odd one of the group.

He jumped into the bus, walking to Tavros’ room with just a little bounce to his step when he heard the bathroom sink running. Oh, was Equius here? Gamzee didn’t remember seeing him with Karkat and Tavros when he left them. Gamzee shrugged. He didn’t need to use the bathroom so he wouldn’t bother whoever was in there. As soon as he closed the door to Tavros’ room, his phone vibrated. He read the message from Karkat; it was asking him to make sure Equius was ready once he was done. Gamzee shrugged and set aside his phone, going to look through his bag. He heard a door open and another door open and close as he pulled out his clothes. He dressed quickly enough and admired his reflection. He smoothed out some wrinkles and spun in front of the mirror to make sure nothing was stained or sticking to him. Satisfied, he grabbed his phone and went to check on Equius.

The door was cracked open and he could hear Equius moving around in the room. Without any thought of privacy or even deciding to knock, he walked right into the bassist’s room.

“Hey motherfucker, are you ready to go…” Gamzee trailed off, pausing his stride. Equius looked up and straightened his binder without a word. Feeling extremely awkward and quickly realizing that Equius might want some privacy, he backed out of the room and closed the door. “Sorry bro. Guess I should have knocked first,” Gamzee apologized as he pressed his back to the wall. Equius didn’t reply. Gamzee bit his lip, feeling all sorts of awkward and kind of… something. Kind of something and he didn’t really know what that something was, but he was really just feeling like he should say something. Break up whatever silence fell between the two of them.

“Uh, is, um… Do you mind if I call you ‘bro’?” Gamzee asked, loud enough for his voice to pass through the door, but not super loud. It felt like it was a conversation he should keep quiet. There was a beat of silence and Gamzee felt like running before he screwed anything else up.

“Yes,” came Equius’ voice. “‘He’ is fine.”

“Huh?” It took Gamzee a second to understand what he was saying. “Oh, yeah. Okay.” The silence returned and Gamzee couldn’t help but run his fingers over his hands for something to focus on instead of the quiet. After a minute, he spoke up again. “But are you okay with me calling you bro?”

“Yes,” Equius replied, a soft laugh slipping through the door. “‘Bro’ is fine too.”

“Cool.”

Another short pause.

“Hey, bro?” Gamzee asked, a little quieter this time and a little more unsure. “Can I tell you something?” Equius hummed in reply and Gamzee took that as a ‘go ahead’. He squeezed his hands and chewed his lip, still motherfucking _unsure_ if this was a good idea. A stream of what ifs ran through his head, but he could feel the words on the tip of his tongue. He was this far already, one more little push couldn’t hurt, right? With a deep breath and his hands trembling, he finally pushed the words out of his mouth.

“I’m… I’m genderfluid.”

Equius hummed again; Gamzee couldn’t hear any movements from within the room and he wondered if Equius was specifically waiting for him to finish before he came out. Gamzee was glad for it.

“‘He’ is fine,” he continued. His voice dropped to a whisper barely loud enough to be heard through the cracked door. “Sometimes ‘they’ feels good too.”

The door creaked open and Gamzee jumped aside in surprise. Equius closed his door quietly, smiling all warm and welcoming. His hand dropped down on Gamzee’s shoulder.

“Tell me when ‘they’ feels better.” His hand dropped from Gamzee’s shoulder and he began walking to the front of the bus. Gamzee ran up to him, falling in step with the bassist, and spoke up again.

“So who knows about you, brother?”

“My parents, the band, their parents, Shanahan…” Equius trailed off, his warm smile looking like it got just a little bit brighter, but that might be the light playing tricks on Gamzee’s eyes. He nodded and Equius kept smiling and Gamzee had to smile with him. At least until they got to the front of the bus.

“Who knows about you?” Equius asked and Gamzee stopped in his tracks, facing the door to the bus. He pursed his lips, nodded to himself a few times, and gave a weak little shrug.

“You.”

Gamzee nodded again and walked outside without another word.

♪♫♪♫♪

Dinner went extremely well. The band met Feferi and Nepeta at the door and Nepeta all but tackled Gamzee as soon as she saw him. She started asking him all kinds of questions about his day and how he’s been since the last time he saw her and Feferi had to pull her away from him so he could get a word in. They were taken to their table, given menus, and ordered drinks. Gamzee gazed at the menu, not really sure what half the choices were and eventually decided on some fancy sounding pasta. It was one of the cheapest things on the menu and he hoped in the back of his mind that he wasn’t being too much of a burden on the band. The waiter returned with their drinks and took their food orders and soon enough left them to their own devices.

Finally, Gamzee told Nepeta and Feferi about his day. They listened intently, asking questions sometimes to clarify things. About halfway through his conversation, Tavros wrapped an arm around his waist and scooted closer. Gamzee glanced at his boyfriend briefly and Tavros nodded for him to continue. He smiled and gave Tavros a little kiss on the cheek before returning to his story. He finished his story by the time their food came out. Gamzee ate his spaghetti slowly, trying to not get anything on his shirt. Every so often, Tavros leaned over and asked if he wanted to try some of his food. Gamzee nodded every single time and Tavros fed him off his fork. Gamzee pulled away, blushing, and Tavros kissed his cheek and told him he was cute.

“Hey, Gam-sea!” Feferi called out, waving her hand to get Gamzee’s attention. “Sorry to split you lovebirds up, but I want to ask you some-fin.”

“What’s up, sis?”

“Nepeta and I were thinking that since you spent the day with the boys, you might want to spend some time with the girls! We’re going shopping tomorrow and we’d love it if you joined us!”

Gamzee liked the sound of that idea, but he worried a little. What about Tavros? They had talked about spending some time together and Gamzee really wanted to do that, but shopping with Feferi and Nepeta sounded so good too. Tavros must have seen his expression because he squeezed Gamzee’s side and agreed.

“Go, ahead, Gamzee. We’ve got a lot of time, to spend together and you don’t, get to see these two very often. I’m fine with it,” Tavros said.

“You sure, bro?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Tavros went back to his food and Gamzee turned to the girls.

“Then yeah, I’d love to join you, sis.”

“Purr-fect!”

♪♫♪♫♪

The next morning, Gamzee rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the shower and relieving himself. Shanahan had rented two single rooms in a small hotel while the rest of the band went home to see their families. Gamzee was glad to not be sleeping in the bus again, though he missed having Tavros’ presence next to him throughout the night. He washed his hands and waited for the shower to warm up and…

Gamzee blinked and looked up at the mirror and looked at his face. Hmm, nope. Their face. They looked at their face. They went to test the water’s temperature and undressed, jumping in and quickly cleaning themself off. As soon as they were done, they dried off, dressed in something that felt good, and headed down to the breakfast the hotel provided. It wasn’t anywhere close to Mama Clara’s, but that was to be expected. They piled their plate up with as much food it could carry and ate quietly, watching whatever news channel was on. Once they were done, they dropped off their plate and went back to their room to finish cleaning up.

Feferi and Nepeta picked Gamzee up about an hour later. They climbed into the back of Feferi’s car and they sped away, asking where to go. Gamzee really had no opinion, so they decided on one of the bigger malls in the area. They parked, entered the main building, and walked around for a while trying to see what stores were available. They walked through a couple clothing stores, but nothing really seemed to interest them. Gamzee thought most of the stores looked interesting, but they didn’t really mention it. Eventually, the three left the busy hallways, moving to a quieter area, and they started asking each other what they wanted to do and where to go.

“I think I saw there was a bookstore in here somewhere. Do you want to try that out first?” Feferi asked, but Nepeta shook her head.

“Nah. There’s a sporting goods store in here, though!”

“Nepeta, that’s all the wave over on the other side!”

“Yeah, then we loop back around! It’s a perfect idea, right Gamzee?” Nepeta elbowed Gamzee and they made a noncommittal noise. Feferi crossed her arms.

“I see what you mean, but why should we go there first? Knowing you, you’ll spend all day looking at the fishing lures.”

“Okay, since you’re so indecisive, how about you ask him about it? Maybe he can decide where we should go fur—“

“Uh,” Gamzee interrupted, quickly looking away when the girls faced them. “C-can you call me, um, ‘them’ today? Instead of ‘he’?” Feferi and Nepeta didn’t reply at first and Gamzee chewed their lip, suddenly feeling all vulnerable and exposed. “Please?” They added in a much quieter voice.

“Oh! Okay! Sorry about that. Where do you want to go, Gamzee?”

“I… I think I saw a pet store listed? Over by the sports store,” they replied, still quiet, but feeling a little better. The girls agreed and they headed out that way. There were so many stores in the mall and Gamzee felt a little overwhelmed by it all. More than half of the one they saw were clothing stores of some sort and there were several food stands scattered throughout the place. Gamzee lingered when they spotted a cinnamon roll stand. They licked their lips, imagining how that would taste in their mouth, but then Nepeta grabbed their arm and dragged them to the pet store. Once inside, Gamzee just… stood there. The girls waited next to them, pulling them aside when a patron tried to leave the store and they were in the way. Gamzee suddenly felt like this was a terrible idea. What were they even supposed to do? They couldn’t afford a pet and all they could see was food and toys and litter brands. They could feel Nepeta shifting around behind them. She wanted to go to the sports store, but they dragged her here and they couldn’t see anything for them to do. Feferi must have noticed Gamzee’s hesitation, because she kind of shoved Nepeta back towards the door.

“You go on ahead and stare at those fishing lures. Gamzee and I will be in here once you’re done. Come on!” She took Gamzee’s hand after making sure it was okay and led them through the aisles. “I think there’s some animals you can pet up here.” Sure enough there were cages of animals all throughout the back of the store. Fish tanks and reptiles lined one wall and there were birds and tarantulas and a bin of hermit crabs on the other wall. In between the two were bins with rabbits, rats, ferrets, and all sort of other rodents. Feferi watched the fish swim and while they were pretty, Gamzee drifted over to the rabbits. They stared at the fluffy rabbits with a growing smile. _They were so cute!_

A worker walked over and asked if they wanted to hold the animals. The worker would have to watch them as they held the animals, but they were free to do so if they wanted. Gamzee nodded eagerly and stuck their hand in the bin and carefully scooped up a rabbit. The worker instructed them how to properly hold it and Gamzee chirred happily as they held it to their chest. It was so warm and soft and it made them feel like everything was right in the world.

Everything felt right in the world as Feferi and Nepeta took Gamzee through the rest of the mall. They tried on some new clothes and even a couple of dresses. Thankfully, they got through their shopping without any incident. Nepeta bought a new pair of running shoes and raced Gamzee around the track in the store. Gamzee lost almost immediately, but Feferi cheered them on from the sidelines. She bought some necklaces that looked extremely pretty on her, after making sure Gamzee tried some on too. Gamzee was feeling happy and they smiled the entire way, even as Nepeta dragged them and Feferi into another store.

It was a lot darker than the others they had been in and there symbols of weed and alcohol almost everywhere Gamzee looked. The store had a bit of a different feel than the other stores, but Nepeta didn’t spend any time in the front of the store. Gamzee caught a brief glance from Feferi—she looked almost worried, but they followed the two girl to the back, Gamzee understood the worried look. To Gamzee’s left, there was an entire wall filled to the ceiling with sex toys. Gamzee’s face went dark and Feferi joined them as Nepeta gazed at the toys.

“Sorry if this was a little sudden. Nepeta’s been looking for something new for us to try,” Feferi explained, smiling apologetically.

“Don’t worry about it, sis. ‘M not really messed up over it. Just a little surprised,” Gamzee laughed sheepishly, running a hand through their hair. And then Feferi’s words clicked in their head. “Hold up, sis. Are you two…?”

“Yep,” Feferi replied. “In a way we are.” She didn’t say anything more about it and Gamzee decided not to pry any deeper. At least, until Nepeta shouted at them from the other side of the room.

“I found something for Sollux!”

Feferi barely managed to catch the toy before it hit her in the face. She peered down at it and nodded as if in agreement.

“Sollux?” Gamzee asked, suddenly a little confused. Sollux was the tech guy at the concert, wasn’t he? How did he fit into the girls’ relationship?

“Yeah, he’s in there too. It’s a little weird some days, but it works for us and we’re all happy. You want anything while we’re here?” Feferi asked, pointing at the toys. Gamzee grimaced and shook their head. “That’s fine too. If you don’t mind me asking, Gamzee, are you and Tav…?” She trailed off, but when Gamzee looked at her, she made a rather sexual gesture and Gamzee shook their head.

“Nah, sis. I mean, I’d like to and he’s very hot,” Gamzee licked their lips, thinking about Tavros and his body and how having sex with him would actually go.

“Yeah, I under-sand you on that,” Feferi commented, elbowing them in the side. The two of them giggled and fell silent for a little while.

“He asked, you know. He asked this motherfucker if I wanted to, but I told him I was all kinds of uncomfortable with it then. We didn’t go any further other than kissing, but I keep thinking about it.”

“What do you think is keeping you from doing it?” Feferi asked, moving aside as another patron walked by them. Gamzee shrugged.

“I really don’t know sis. Maybe because I haven’t told him all about my bad self, ya know? Wasn’t really sure how he’d react and all.”

“He’s pretty accepting of everyone. He may not really ‘get’ the gender thing at first, but he’ll make an effort to understand you at least. I mean, he’s cool with…” Feferi trailed off, shutting her mouth. Gamzee knew immediately who she was talking about and nudged her, nodding in agreement. She looked at him surprised. “You know about Equius?” Another nod. “Oh good! We don’t have to dance around that subject anymore,” she giggled and Nepeta came up to them with at least five toys in her arms and a grin on her face. Nepeta skipped to the register after Feferi checked them all over. As Nepeta checked out, Feferi added another thing to Gamzee.

“If you do ever feel comfortable having sex with him, what do you think about the possibility of wearing lingerie?”

With one last trip to a Victoria’s Secret and a slightly excited Gamzee, the three of them came back to the hotel and chilled there until the moon rose high in the sky. Nepeta mentioned getting the band together and all six of them going to the local laser tag place for a few rounds sometime in the next few days. Gamzee grinned all wide and waved the girls goodbye as they left. Once the door was closed and locked, they went over to the pile of bags in the corner and pulled out the lacy lingerie they got and held it over their body, their mind drifting off towards surprising Tavros with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my first times writing an explicitly trans character. As a note, I am not trans and so if the exchange between Equius and Gamzee as they come out to each other feels wrong or like shock value, please let me know and help me improve it.


	5. Little Game

The band, Feferi, Nepeta, and Gamzee arrived at the laser tag place. They borrowed Mr. Vantas’ van since Shanahan refused to drive them anywhere that day, all of them piling in and Feferi taking the wheel. As soon as they started driving, Karkat grabbed the seat and didn’t let go until she made a complete stop in the parking lot.

“And I thought Shanahan was bad!” he shouted, nearly flinging himself from the car. Feferi only laughed and locked the van.

“If you think she’s bad, you purr-obably shouldn’t let me drive!” Nepeta said as she threw an arm over his shoulder. The group entered the building and went up to the counter to figure out the details of their time. Everyone pitched in on the payment and it came down to deciding who was on what team. There were only six of them and it looked like it might be more fun if they split up in two teams. That way, no alliances could be formed to gang up on one teams. However, it still came down to how to split up the group.

“How about this?” Nepeta started after a couple minutes of arguing. “You boys against us?” It sounded like a good idea; Equius nodded his agreement, but Karkat interrupted.

“Hold on, won’t that be unfair? Us four against you two?”

Gamzee winced slightly, chewing their lip. They glanced at Equius, but he held his tongue. Gamzee was somewhat grateful for that; they didn’t want to come out to both Tavros and Karkat in a place as public as this. Nepeta opened her mouth to clarify, but Feferi stepped in and did it for her.

“I think she means, you _boys_ , as in the Bad Bull _Boys_. And then us girls and Gamzee. Make sense?” Feferi asked, gesturing at the band. She grabbed Gamzee and pulled them in next to her. Tavros looked sad at the loss, but Gamzee smiled.

“Yeah, that sounds pretty motherfucking fun, sis. Even teams, you know,” he added. With the teams finalized, they were fitted with the vest and the laser guns and set out on opposite ends of the room. When Gamzee first walked into the room, they had to stop and stare. The room was dark; the only lights were the black lights hanging from the ceiling. The theme of the place was a bunch of ruins in a jungle. The ‘ruins’ were three stories high with many places to hide behind and climb up on. Feferi and Nepeta led Gamzee towards the main building. The three of them scanned their surroundings for the opposing team. Gamzee couldn’t see anything and the music playing all around them covered any footsteps they’d hear.

As Gamzee was running up the stairs to the second level, their vest buzzed and a red light flickered at the center. They looked around and saw Karkat dive across the floor to avoid Nepeta’s aim. Feferi tugged Gamzee to the side and she scanned the floor. She went quiet, took aim, and fired a couple shots at someone jogging across the floor. Equius shouted as he got hit and hid behind a crumbling wall. The light on Gamzee’s chest flickered back to green and they were up and jogging towards the third level.

“Found you!” Tavros shouted right as he shot both Gamzee and Nepeta. As they waited for their vest lights to flicker back to green, he jumped down from the ledge he was on and jogged away before Feferi could hit him.

“Shit, we’re going to have to make a plan if we’re going to be able to hit any of them,” Feferi said, taking cover in a little room.

“What if we split up and going looking for them that way?” Gamzee suggested, adjusting their vest. The girls agreed and they ran from the room in different directions. Gamzee was caught immediately and they cursed. If only they could get one shot in! They kept watch as they moved back on the floor, making sure to look up every so often. When they heard someone talking, Gamzee hid behind a wall and listened as hard as they could.

“It looks like they split up. I caught Gamzee as he was leaving, but I lost him,” Karkat whispered loud enough for the other to hear. “I think Equius went to the top, but I’m not sure. I’m going to secure the second level, okay? You look around on the ground.” It was quiet as Karkat ran off—Gamzee stayed hidden as he passed by their hiding spot. Thankfully, he didn’t see them. Gamzee didn’t hear anyone leaving so they guessed that Tavros was still standing there. When they peeked out behind their hiding spot, sure enough, Tavros was standing there.

Gamzee chewed their lip and checked out their boyfriend. He was hot as hell in that vest with his laser gun resting on his shoulder. He stood wide open for attack and an idea formed in Gamzee’s head. Time to get that one shot in.

“Hey bro,” Gamzee called and Tavros spun around, his gun ready. When he saw Gamzee sauntering over, he lowered his gun.

“Uh, hey Gamzee. Are you, having fun?” Tavros asked and Gamzee smiled. Their plan looked like it was gonna work!

“Yeah, but I keep getting shot. That’s three times now. It’s not fair,” Gamzee whined. Tavros let his gun drop to his side and Gamzee stepped closer, putting a little sway to their hips.

“Oh, well, uh,” Tavros started, licking his lips and his eyes dropped down to Gamzee’s hips. Realizing that Gamzee was still there and waiting for him to finish, he coughed and his gaze snapped back up to Gamzee’s eyes. “Maybe the next round we could make our own team? That way, I could, uh, protect you.”

“Oh, that sounds so sweet, Tavbro,” Gamzee whispered, standing close enough that they could reach out and stroke Tavros’ cheek. He pressed into the touch and smiled when Gamzee leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft and sweet kiss and Tavros’ eyes fluttered shut. He tried deepening the kiss and didn’t notice Gamzee lifting their gun to his vest. Gamzee pulled away when Tavros’ vest buzzed, grinning wickedly.

“Thanks for the free shot, bro!” they shouted as they ran off. Nepeta appeared to their left and high-fived them. Tavros watched Gamzee run off, a look of betrayal on his face. For good measure, Nepeta shot him again when his vest flickered green.

The round ended soon after and Karkat chewed Tavros out for dropping his guard and letting both Gamzee and Nepeta get a shot in. Tavros rolled his eyes and sighed, asking to see if they were playing another round. While they talked, Gamzee watched from the sidelines. Tavros was the only shot they got in, but it was nice knowing that they didn’t completely fail. Feferi and Equius apparently had a shootout between them while Gamzee and Tavros talked, but it looked like Feferi won that. Twelve shots to his nine. Gamzee smiled happily while Feferi grinned like a shark. Equius patted her on the back while she celebrated her victory.

_Bzzt!_ Gamze jumped as their phone went off. They pulled it out, checked the number, and hurried out the doors for some privacy with a frown on their face. Why was their manager calling them?

“Hello?” Gamzee asked, hoping that the phone hid the worry in their voice.

“Makara, you need to come in tomorrow morning,” the manager replied without any greeting. Gamzee blinked, their frown deepening. They had to work tomorrow? No, that was wrong. Gamzee checked their schedule several times before going with the band. They had at least another week off!

“Uhm, sorry sir, but I’m not scheduled to work for another week?”

“Matrey can’t find anyone to cover her shift so it’s come down to you taking her place for tomorrow.”

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not even in town. I can’t possibly—“

“Makara.”

Gamzee snapped their mouth shut, swallowing the rest of their words. They waited quietly, their gaze directed on the ground while the manager listed off the several times Gamzee had missed their shift for whatever reason. With each one, they winced and hunched lower and lower into their shirt. Finally, the manager coughed and added one final command, “Makara, if I do not see your face here tomorrow, you are fired.”

The manager hung up and Gamzee was left standing with their phone to their ear and nearly all the happiness drained out of them. With a tired sigh, they pocketed their phone and walked back in, their head hanging. Feferi ran right up to them, her face bright and excited as words spilled out of her mouth.

“Hey! We were just talking about starting another round and Tavros said he wanted… Gamzee, what’s wrong?” she asked, now seeing the frustration and disappointment spread across their face.

“I’m real motherfucking sorry, guys,” Gamzee started, not looking at their faces. Gamzee didn’t want to see their expressions when they received the news. “I g-gotta work tomorrow.”

“I thought you said you had all the fucking time in the world to hang out with us!” Karkat spoke first. Gamzee flinched as he raised his voice. He started to say something else, but Nepeta smacked him back and gave him a glare.

“Can’t you call off?” Nepeta asked kindly. Gamzee shook their head, bringing their arms up and crossing them over their chest. Their hands were trembling.

“I’m covering for someone. She couldn’t find anyone to fill in for her so the management told me that… That I…” Gamzee chewed their lip, subtly shaking and sniffing. They didn’t want this to happen. They didn’t want to be the center of attention like this. They felt horrible; they were going to cry and everyone was watching them and they hated it so much. They felt like they were going to be sick just from all the anxiety tearing them up inside. “I gotta work. I’m sorry.”

“Uh, I’ll, I’ll take you home,” Tavros replied, immediately going to Gamzee’s side. He wrapped an arm around their waist comfortingly and hugged them close. “Shanahan isn’t driving today, so I’ll, uh, I’ll drive you. Hey, Fef, can you drive us back really quick?” Feferi nodded, starting for the door. Gamzee sniffled and hid their face in Tavros’ shoulder. He patted them comfortingly and led them after Feferi. As the three of them left the building, Gamzee heard Karkat ask, “Why is he crying?”

Gamzee was silent the entire trip from the laser tag place to Tavros’ house so he could borrow a car. The two climbed into the car and drove off for Annadale. Soft music played from the radio and Gamzee rested their head against the car seat, watching the landscape fly by. They sniffled every so often and Tavros moved his hand to rest on their thigh, rubbing his thigh comfortingly as he stared at the road. No one talked for the first half hour and Gamzee felt utterly horrible and guilty for making Tavros have to drive him all the way home.

“B-bro?” he started, sniffling again. Tavros hummed to show that he was listening. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“Huh? For what?” Tavros asked, taking his hand away from Gamzee’s thigh so he could pass a truck on the road. Once they were past it, he slowed down to a more manageable speed and returned his hand to Gamzee’s thigh. Gamzee was thankful for that.

“For making a brother leave and stop having fun because this motherfucker needs to go to work. I didn’t think I’d be so much of bother to you and the band, bro.”

“What? No, Gamzee, you’re not a bother! It’s shitty you got surprised with work on your time off, but if you have to go, you have to go. Trust me, Gamzee. I have my fair share of shitty work experiences.”

“Stop kidding me brother,” Gamzee snorted. “Equius told me about your old band member, but what kind of shitty experience did you ever have with the band?”

“Hey, dude,” Tavros shot back, flipping the car’s headlights on. “I was sixteen. I had a job before I joined the band. I worked in a fast food restaurant and I hated it! Shit, I don’t, even go back to that place. I've seen too, much, bro.”

Gamzee cracked a smile and Tavros fell into a fit of giggles over how ridiculous that sounded. Once they were over their laughter, Tavros continued.

“I taught myself how to play the guitar. It wasn't all fun and games, even before Vivvan got us together. It was hard. It was difficult. I've had fans tell me how, talented I am and how gifted I am to be able, to play the guitar and sing as well as I can. To be, uh, perfectly honest, I'm not.”

Gamzee blinked, looking at Tavros with disbelief clear in their eyes. They were about to protest when Tavros interrupted him.

“No, Gamzee, here's the thing: I'm not gifted. I wasn't born with the ability to sing or play the guitar as well, as I do now. I spent most of my childhood in a church choir. I learned to, sing there and it was fun. I wasn't the best in the beginning. No one is. But I worked at it. I loved singing and, I kept trying to get better at it. Some point in my life, I decided I wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I taught myself. I looked up, videos and the like and I taught myself the basic stuff and then the more advanced stuff. I went to lessons after a year or two, when I could afford it, and my teacher told me I was horrible at playing the guitar.” Tavros laughed fondly at the memory. “But I kept trying. I practiced late into the night and I practiced early in the morning and look at me now! There's still, room for improvement and I'm trying to be the, best I can be.

“The thing is, Gamzee... Life can be really shitty sometimes. You've gotta go to a shitty job so you can afford food for the week and then, one day, your life may get so great and amazing. Life has its ups and, uh, it has its downs. If it only had its ups, it'd get boring after a while. Same with its downs, but too many downs can get really, bad, in some cases. You know?”

Gamzee nodded, knowing exactly what Tavros meant. They appreciated the advice and the attempt to cheer them up, but they still felt bad for ending the fun early. Maybe not as bad, since Tavros seemed okay with it. After all, Gamzee couldn't say no to working tomorrow, unless they wanted to lose their job. They could not afford that.

Though... Tavros' words struck a chord with them. They looked down at their hands and thought about the hobbies they gave up because they worried they weren't good enough to keep going. Painting was the biggest thing in their life for the longest time. Painting their face, painting the walls, or painting the view outside their window. When school got too busy for them, they gave it up. After all, there were so many people so motherfucking better than they were so why even try, right? But after listening to Tavros talk about his attempts at improving his abilities and the effects of his practice and motivation made Gamzee want to pick up painting again. They thought of the abandoned sketchbook in their room and they imagined taking out their brushes, dipping them into their paints—did they even have paint anymore? Or did they throw it all away? Gamzee sighed and leaned back against the car seat. They would have to check their room and probably take a trip to a craft store and buy some paint. Gamzee chewed their lip. They would have to make sure they had enough of a budget for some new paints.

“Are you alright, Gamzee?” Tavros asked when Gamzee fell silent for a long time. They jumped in their seat, startled out of their thoughts.

“Oh, yeah bro. I'm fine! Just got to thinking about what you were saying. Getting my mind all wrapped around it and the like, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Oh, yeah, I think we're coming on Annadale. You're gonna have to help, me find your place again.”

Once they were in the city, Gamzee directed Tavros to the apartment. They considered telling Tavros to stay in the car and they would part ways there, but they couldn't carry their stuff up in one trip by themself. It wasn't like Gamzee wanted to leave Tavros as soon as possible. It was just that their apartment wasn't the greatest. Or... good in really any way possible. It was what they could afford and they lived by themself so they felt as though they really couldn't complain. As long as nothing broke, they were good.

Gamzee led Tavros up the stairs to their apartment, keeping their gaze down as they unlocked the door and showed Tavros inside. He stepped through, looking around at the entry way, and Gamzee risked a quick glance at his face. It looked worried and maybe a bit disapproving. Gamzee felt their stomach twist up in a knot and hoped Tavros wouldn't say a word about how bad the apartment was. Thankfully, when Tavros opened his mouth, all he asked for was where to put Gamzee's stuff.

“Just toss it over by the couch, bro. I'll get to it when I've got the time.” Gamzee yawned, stretched, and glanced Tavros' way to see him right before he got in real close to them. Tavros had this mischievous grin on his face as he walked Gamzee back up against the wall. Gamzee laughed, a little nervous, but his nerves up and flew out the window as Tavros leaned in to kiss them. He stopped an inch from Gamzee's waiting lips and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah bro!” Gamzee nodded, all eager and shit. “I'm always down for kissing you.” Tavros laughed and closed the distance. He pressed his lips all soft and sweet against Gamzee and they nearly melted into a puddle of warm and happy feelings. They kissed back, wrapping their arms around Tavros' broad shoulders, and tugged him close until he was flush against their body. Tavros laughed again and deepened the kiss, his hands drifting down from their sides to grope their ass. Gamzee smiled into the kiss, wiggling against Tavros' hands. They yelped, a little surprised, when Tavros got a handful and squeezed. He paused and checked Gamzee's face, but they gave him the go ahead.

It was fun kissing Tavros. He was big and warm and he trapped Gamzee up against the wall with those big strong arms of his. They sighed, all happy and shit, and wished they could kiss Tavros forever. He was like a miracle in Gamzee's eyes. Tavros was able to turn a day that had turned all motherfucking wrong and turn it into one that felt all motherfucking right. Gamzee nodded to themself. A right fucking miracle.

Gamzee was lost in their thoughts, unaware as Tavros moved from kissing their lips to kissing their jaw and then their neck until he was trailing kisses down to their shoulder. His hand trailed up underneath their shirt. It felt good and Gamzee was digging it. They stretched out their neck, encouraging more kisses and Tavros happily obliged. His hand crawled further up Gamzee's shirt as he mouthed their skin. His other hand, the one still gripping their ass, squeezed once and slide up to their hip. He hooked a thumb in the waistband of their pants, grinned, and rolled his hips against them so they could feel the tent in his pants.

Gamzee stiffened, their soft sighs catching in their throat.

Tavros stopped.

“Gamzee?” Tavros asked, concerned. He took a step back, removing his hands from under their shirt and their pants, and Gamzee snapped back to what was going on. They tried to smiled reassuringly and reached for his hands. He let Gamzee take them, but he didn't let Gamzee put his hands back on their body.

“Come on, Tav,” they called, acting hopeful and maybe sexy, but Tavros saw right through it. Tavros saw how uncomfortable they were in the way their smile didn't stretch all the way over their face. He saw it in the way they held themself, all tight and anxious and worried.

“Gamzee,” he said, his voice firm and he saw Gamzee flinch and worry their lip. “Do you want to...?” he asked, gesturing towards where he thought Gamzee's bedroom might be.

“Well, I...” Gamzee fidgeted and looked anywhere but at Tavros. Tavros rubbed his thumbs comfortably over Gamzee's hands, waiting for a reply. “Bro, I do. It sounds fun as all heck, 'specially with a miracle like yourself, but...”

“But?” Tavros asked, waiting for Gamzee to say it. He had to hear either an enthusiastic yes before he continued in the direction he wanted to go. Anything less than that and he was going to stop.

“Bro,” Gamzee whined, but Tavros stayed silent. They chewed their lip and gave in. “I guess, bro, if you want to, I can. Don't... don't mind it none. You've been all nice to me today and you motherfucking deserve it, so yeah. Yeah, let's do it.” Gamzee smiled reassuringly again. Tavros looked down at their hands and shook his head.

“Gamzee,” Tavros started, holding onto Gamzee’s hands. “I’m not being nice to you just so I can, get into your pants. I can tell you’re uncomfortable with this moving forward and, it’s okay. We can go at any pace you like. Slow, fast, completely stop. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Gamzee stared at Tavros, lip quivering. Tavros gave them a warm, comforting smile and Gamzee felt like they didn’t deserve all the kindness Tavros was showing them. Their hands were warm in his and they felt good and nice and all soft with Tavros here with them, but they couldn’t help but hold back. Tavros didn’t really know everything about them and they wanted him to know before they went any further. Gamzee opened their mouth, but worry pulled them back. What if Tavros didn’t understand? What if Tavros didn’t want to date them after they told him? What if they didn’t like them at all? Gamzee closed their mouth and looked down at their hands intertwined.

“I…” they whispered, their voice shaking. They could tell him right now and get it over with, but if Tavros reacted badly then… They didn’t want to ruin the night any more. “Can we wait?” he asked instead. “I don’t think I’m ready yet, bro. That okay?”

Tavros smiled warmly and nodded. He kissed Gamzee’s forehead and squeezed their hands reassuringly.

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

Tavros stayed over a little longer after that, cuddling with Gamzee on the couch and kissing. Unfortunately, Tavros had to leave after a while so Gamzee could get some sleep and get to work on time. Tavros gave him one last goodnight kiss as he walked out the door and Gamzee felt so good. Even though he had turned down them fucking, Tavros still stayed for a while and Gamzee was so grateful for that. They cleaned up before bed, checked the alarm on their phone, and fell asleep with a smile on their face.

The next morning, Gamzee stumbled across the floor, his hand on his mouth to cover up his yawn. He showered, made breakfast, and drove off to work. He kept his head down as he clocked in and passed his boss, making his way to the checkout lines. One of his coworkers, Issuko, waved to him.

“Morning, kid! Didn’t think I’d see you today, huh?”

Gamzee sighed and nodded, explaining that he was covering for Matrey. Issuko shook his head, muttering something about her taking off too many days. Gamzee liked the old man and was glad when the management allowed him a chair. Issuko had been in a bad accident when he was younger and it really fucked over his knee. He always liked talking about how he was gonna straighten the rest of them out with his cane. Gamzee liked to joke back when he could, telling him that with all the stickers his grandkids put on the cane, it was sure to cushion the landing. That always seemed to prompt Issuko to bring up his cane and show off any new stickers to anyone who would be looking.

Today, though, Gamzee didn’t feel much like talking. He wanted to be back with the band and hang out with them. Their lives seemed so much better than his life at the grocery store. At break, Gamzee checked his phone and saw some pictures Tavros had sent him, including the message, “Wish you were here.” Gamzee texted him back, telling him he wished he was with them too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the near-year long hiatus from this. I got really busy with school and lost a lot of my motivation to write almost anything. This semester is also going to be really busy so if I don't update for a while, that's most likely why.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Quiet Moments](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229398) by [AdorabloodthirstyKitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty)




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